The Adventures Of Patty The Pigeon

1:30 AM: age discrimination

2:00 AM: head to 8-east and then go to 7-west to check out the kids getting booked at pacifico. find a pigeon sitting on the ground and discover that it cannot fly. carry the pigeon to willy's where the asshole of the year pours an entire can of iced tea on the bird while i'm holding it in my hands.

2:30 AM: get patty to the man cave where it sits outside for awhile.

3:00 AM: get patty to the watchtower and feed it some bread on the balcony, then leave it to rest.

11:00 AM: get patty some breakfast.

3:30 PM: other pigeons start visiting patty on the balcony.

5:00 PM: fire alarm goes off. check on patty only to find that he's gone. so sign of him on the balcony or anywhere on the ground around the building. conduct extensive search with no results. patty presumed alive and flying. cockles of heart begin to warm up.

fly free my friends
girv

I'd Like To Say A Few Words About Facebook

jesus it's been awhile since i did one of these but hey, what can you do?

for the past (insert amount of time facebook has been popular) i have been boycotting facebook. not because i thought it's existence was a crime against humanity (twitter), but because i thought it was being used improperly and i didn't want to be sucked into the culture. i used to feel the same way about cell phones, i saw people talking on the phone in the car, in restaurants, in movies, and while being served at the grocery store. i thought to myself that i would never be that rude and that i would never get a cell phone. then i found out that the phone in my apartment didn't really work. i was forced to get a cell phone, something i saw as a "big deal". not true. i don't do any of the things i hated about people who use cell phones. i realized that there was nothing wrong with the concept or the technology but it was how people were using the technology. so when i heard about facebook i saw people on huge ego trips measuring their worth by how many "friends" they had, and by scowering the web looking at pictures of themselves as if they had forgotten what they look like. well, that's what i have a mirror for, and if i need a website to tell me who my friends are, then i probably don't have any real friends at all. i was so afraid of a website changing who i was that i cut myself off from it completely. what i didn't realize was that facebook could keep me in touch with people i hadn't seen in a long tome, or get in contact with someone who checks facebook more often than their e-mail (ie. everyone). i realized that getting facebook was no bigger a deal than buying a new set of spoons for your kitchen. sure it's a change, probably for the better, but who really cares. so now i have facebook.

add me if you can find me

now you know
girv

Road Trippin

first off, apologies to those who are pissed off at the fact that we have not blogged since we got back home. i can only cite our laziness as the cause and hope that you understand. as for the trip here it was fitch and the girv in the most reliable vehicle in the world. here's a recap:

broke gott's mom's jam before we even left (it was wrapped in the bathrobe).

had a pretty good time through ontario but just before we hit quebec the enine started to overheat. we took a look under the hood and realized that there was a coolant leak. so we high-tailed it to a truck repair station where a lovely old machanic named larry(?) and his young apprentice helped us out. turns out the cap for the fluid was loose and the coolant was spewing everywhere. anyways we learned that a good quick fix for a radiator leak is to drop a couple of eggs into the coolant lines. hum. after that we had dinner at a subway with the most open floorspace you will ever see in a submarine shop. anyways, montreal was a complete disaster. we drove about 10 km into the city and were told we had to turn around and go back the way we came then go around the city because of some small construction. the rest of montreal can only described through the muse of video:


we stopped at a motel outside of montreal and got going early the next day. although it is a nice drive, there wasn't much that happened. new brunswick sucks. here are some visuals:

Persy apples

Gasin' up

HOME!

ACTUALLY HOME!

The sea


let it begin
goisburger

here's a recap:

rashoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

-girv

Hedo

Hedo?

blood fiyah(sic)

whats persing fine friends and foes, its lois here checking in from the screwface capital(toronto). its been a pretty perse summer, mad chilling on the yeast coast and variable amounts of sussing back in toronto..Girv, message me when youre back in toronto..we must dank various dankables and your blid ratings are required..all i can say is borneo mixed with jet fuel with a hint of raspberry...jeahhh

anyways, google andy milionakis zombie for a  larf or several

your homie

Lois

miss me yet?

just chillin here at la campo. apparently lois can't take time out of her rigorous schedule to post so i will instead. been having fun here went on a trip with all the trippers which can be summed up in this picture:


then i took my whitewater rescue technician course which can be summed up in this video:
(it's me on what can only be described as a zipline through water)



so, derosen eh? looks like a good guy. i'm down.

hope yall are having a good time wherever you are.

by the way check this shit out:




throwback!
girv

Lifes a Gamblor

Mens are cutting the cheese like whoaingtons...........blood

Dangerbears

I honestly have no idea what the title means, Im fairly hungover...on another note, last night was fairly jokestastic, mens juicing on the porch in the finest form, followed  by  a little visito by the Chilean navy, who brought over this drink i think that had cognac and tequila in it, regardless....It tasted like water

Mens are posting all over this fine city for the first bit of the summer, getting my class tip on and of course my sunburn tip...

Anyway, im mad hungover and pretty cheesled about not being able to catch the last 5 minutes of criminal minds, damn you rapidshare..

back to the cave

your boy, 

Lois

hey you guys

was ap?

it's the girv, i'm like a cheap ho. but not really. whitelaw would never describe me as such however if he were to be describing himself; that would be a whole new ballgame. speaking of ballgames. how about those jays. gotta love this shit.

was in TO last night for a couple of hours. maybe you saw me but probably not. if anyone is wondering what happened to the answer. it's gone. endo storyo.

here's a fun little thing


and here's another:


just went on on a little 45 minute canoe trip to get some beers. little buggy on the portage though. and we broke the seat on the canoe. oops.

hey lois are you still alive or what?

post something
girv

ahoy from camp

anyone catch the celtics/bulls game last night. wicked. i'm here at camp safely for those who were worried about me.

on an unrelated note, those who want to send me mail can send it to:

1143 kandalore rd
RR#2 minden ont
K0M 2K0

hey lois, when willy's puts up the site could you put the address on blidlife. thanks.

this should have been an email
girv

jersey musings

just watching the game here and jarrod saltalamacchia is hitting. don't you love it when a player's name curves around the jersey.

perhaps someday someone will have a name that goes all the way around the number.

speaking of jerseys. anyone see the washington "Natinals" the other night. check out the comment where the nats put the N upside down. someone's getting fired.

youssarian you fuck
girv

that's my boy

point pleasant park was just the bee's knees yesterday and as we come to the end of yet another glorious school year it is important to enjoy the outdoors on those kinds of days. for the current location of the white door you can now follow the link on the sidebar.

so how about them jays? 10-4 and firing on all cylinders. it's good to see the team in such good spirits and joking about each other.

i made a gingerbread house today but it's not gingerbread. it's just vanilla cake with candy and icing. if anybody want's one they're 50% off and like $2 at superstore on barrington. everybody needs a hobby.

vernon you manz
girv

it's totally nails!

it is just the most beautiful of days today. walking around our great city this afternoon i couldn't help but curse myself for not putting shorts on this morning. my usually reliable desktop weather update told me it was a measly one degree. lies!

went to st. mary's today to try and fix the unbelievable cock-up caused my the unfathomable barry lesser. although i had no idea where i was going i decided to find the most administrative looking building. and what do you know, i was right. everything's comin' up girvan.

so the jays are killing it. let me say that again. the jays are killing it. yea, you gotta love it. hill (ma boy), is loving not being concussed, snider is loving having big muscles and LL cool J is loving being LL cool J.


post old spice of course
girv

Day of Reckoning/For my Cuttys Fridays vol 1

Good Morning fine Blid Nation, its your cutty Lois here, Attempting to Study. Its the day before an exam and im stuck at home listening to the Pack and going dumb silently. I should be studying but I want to watch Young L videos for days and scrape with the cuttys down the block...........

Weathers getting nice again, another distraction which usually leads to poor(er) performance on exams, but who really cares.

This is a pretty wordfestival freestyle-Vietkangkaraoke bidnesss

anyways, here are some sick videos ive been stuck on as of recently..so peep game, and study hard kids

Young L-Floss Hard

Hiatus Living/Asleep In The Bread Aisle

Oh crap, I almost forgot about my manz over here at blidlife, and I realize thats its been a minute since Ive been on this piece, but alas I return. Not only do I return with some blid bidnesss, I also am here to shamelessly plug the album which I think will be the biggest/best album of 2009, Asleep in the Bread Aisle by young Asher Roth.

Ive been on the Asher Roth tip since he released the greenhouse effect over the summer, probably my favourite rapper as of right now. Sick flow and hes down with blid living and the college lifestyle that I tend to deal with hecticly.

anyway, It comes out on 420 so if mens arent too twiss, go out and buy it...Im gonna grips at least 2 copies..

We so nice right now,

Lois

the college team i root for is superior to the college team you root for.

Michigan st. is going to the national championship! and i didn't even do anything.

sorry to see villanova go but you can't win 'em all. my heart goes out to all the nova and uconn fans but especially fitch who may or may not have had the night of his life last night. i'm leaning towards not.

speaking of last night, adventures abound for lois and i. we met this girl who wanted us to call her nicha (not sure how to spell it) because she was using her sister's id. found out later that her name was actually tessa. where do people come up with this shit for their children. it's like they put all the scrabble letters into a hat, pick five and there's your child's name.

went to 8east after and watched numerous scraps and kids getting booked while all these chumps were coming out of pacifico (ie. the devil's house).

and here's some parting advice, it takes 5 people to finish a torpedo keg, 4 just doesn't cut it these days. also, even though exams are upon us and we all have shit to do we should not neglect our duty to the sweet nectar.

and for god sakes don't drink the bong water
girv

Barack Supports Quitters

OK, so alonzo mourning isn't that bad of a quitter but does anyone else remember when he was traded to the raps as part of the carter deal and refused to play for us. then he went back to miami and won himself a championship. i do. but seriously, he had a great carrer and according to people who seem to like him he was a pretty good guy. even obama took time out of his busy schedule to read him a letter that he wrote for him. i didn't see that part of the ceremony but isn't that what you do when a loved one is in AA or something. anyways he deserves it. which brings me to the question of who will be the first to have their number retired by the raps (or el raps as they are known in mexico). the poll is up and it's running.

so is it just me or is it snowing outside? wasn't i wearing shorts and sandals two days ago or did i just imagine that? oh well, i guess we cant put the pants away just yet.

so michigan state is in the final four. i must say this is exciting, i hope we see a state/'nova final so fitch and i can get into a legitimate ncaa beef. in other news, the raps are killing it against teams under .300 at home recently. mathematically we are still alive so, playoffs?

we shall see
girv

Happy Birthday Blidlife!

wow, one year. here we are and it's hard to believe that one year ago we were sitting in the living room watching the director's cut of blade runner and being very confused. in honor of this momentous occasion lets take a look back at some of our most memorable moments:

the first rasho award
rasho's three
the star wars debate
elephant seals
fan of the month
the attack of the mice
franky's moment
girv's retarded
fan mail
chuck leaves
rasho leaves
the return
the hurricane
the feeling
the feud
live from the lab
shyssa
nonsense
the twelve days of girv
the 100th post
cito
and of course
the beginning

and many more
girv

Yea We Did

Whatupp....Happy 1 year anniversary blidlife readers...mens are on some serious hangover tings but anyway, we did it, 365 days and numerous blid crops later we are still manzing on this blog tang.

long live Blid Life

your man,

Lois

POPS!

huge win today with the st. patty's day green over rasho and the pacers. good to see rasho in the ACC again. and after almost the entire season i have found a new favourite raptor. pops mensah-bonsu with 21 and 8. here's some info on him:
second year in the league started with dallas and bounced around the league with the spurs and wizards and he played a little in spain and italy. so bryan the great decided to give a manz a chance and sign him. he also wears the same knee brace as me (see picture), oh and did i mention he's british? BADASS! and so pops, welcome to immortality (whatever that means). don't forget the usa-holand game in the WBC tonight.

should be a doosy
girv

still rockin'

ok so in grade ten a bunch of us were at someones house watching some movie at about one in the afternoon. exam week was two weeks away and fitch gets a call from his dad (cobb not bio-dad). cobb tells him that he needs to come home and study for six hours before dinner. i should reiterate that exams were two weeks away and it was grade ten. fitch did well in school back then.

ok so the world baseball classic is into round two and canada is out. there are a few people i would like to thank for this prestigious loss: ryan dempster, rich harden, erik bedard, and of course, jeff "canadian pitchers can't stay healthy" francis. apparently, during the games in toronto kevin youkilis felt "like a member of the visiting team" while playing for the americans. in this article he talks about how he hopes the US gets more fan support in the US than they got in canada. my favourite part is when he says that the team is trying to do good things for the country ie. the troops. from the other side of the spectrum. do not be surprised by the dutch winning two games against the dominicans and almost beating the puerto ricans. if you have ever met a dutch person you know that they are on a completely different level of consciousness from the rest of us. yes, the drugs help, but they are also all fucking nuts. personally, i have enjoyed the tournament so far and if you like baseball, i recommend watching any game. they're all good.

on that note i would like to present our next rasho of the year award to joey votto for showing up to the WBC. this was an obvious choice because he was the only one.

the brier is this week and times are good. kevin martin is killing it and the howard bros are being their usual quirky senile old selves.

went to the great big sea concert last night and it was good. spirit of the west was impressiva as an opener, if you like home for a rest and that type of music you should look into them because they have a lot of quality music. great big sea kept taking about playing at the lower deck back in the day. is it possible that signal hill could become popular outside of halifax. that could turn out being more annoying than twitter. have you heard of this twitter. you can text a short statement to twitter and they post it on the internet and you can sign up to receive updates on what your favorite celebrities are doing. who the fuck cares what your doing. if this catches on like facebook i might have to move to sangala. i here it's nice there.

i also realize that i blog about what i'm doing on a fairly regular basis, but this is just to pass the time. no one actually reads this do they? do they? if your reading this you really should stop wasting your time. lois and i really don't lead very exciting lives. do yourself a favor and go read a book.

i hear war and peace is good
girv

Fitch Revisited

So today is the day we are restarting our daily musings and insight into the life of Matt Fitch, helping you, the blidlife reader(s) understand the mole that is affectionately known as zanglefeen.


August 2003

So Fitch and his parents went to mexico, a typical family vacay you know sun seafood and hula dancing under the moon...As I can recall it, he decided to go touring the mayan ruins with his family for a full day. Due to Fitch's extensive consumption of wine coolers the previous night he was in a fairly inebriated state and generally haggard living. Being the absent-minded kid he is he got on the bus and was halfway to the ruins when he realized that he did not shower that morning, and also he forgot his glasses in the fray.

Due to this lack of vision, he was very much out of his element and confused. To make a very long and boring story very short, it turns out that fitch hit on a guy who he thought was agirl, was inducted into a cult which worshipped moles, and got his glasses back thanks to the help of a wily and lith wizard named James Patterson

Just bun,
Lois

holy shit i totally forgot we had this blog!

just kidding, i know your all probably pissed off that we have been so inactive lately, well maybe not. so here's what's happening. we had a bunch of work during the first week of our absence, and in the second week we were on vacation. ok, so i didn't actually go anywhere but it was still a vacation.

now we're back in full force and things should get back up to the usual.

lets start with a little unfinished business.

one of the remaining ten days of fitch:

3. call me lazy but he and i have been through so much over the years that it's only natural that our days would cross over at least once. in case you don't remember here's: the night.

more to come.

i think it's also time to give out the rasho award again.

our current winner: shawn marion.
the man is fitting in very well with the raps and is playing really well also. hopefully we keep him around.

another announcement:

from a business standpoint, blidlife international is beginning operations as a consulting firm. myself, president and CLO, and lois (our CBO) would be happy to try and answer any questions you may want to ask us.

we will try to keep the blog going at full speed in the time leading up to our one year anniversary.

till next time
girv

The land of the rising bun

Oh crap, its been awhile eh, sorry to our reader(s) for not keeping up on the blog tip but mid terms and some boom bliddery has kept me away from my keyboard..but enough with the excuses, i am currently situated in my hotel room on the 35th floor looking out over the vast expanse which is tokyo, it is pretty foggy, but i can see alot, next buildings and people generally frolicking..Due to this little thing called jetlag ive been up since 3am watching taken and assorted sunny episodes with pops while drinking pocari sweat(Pokarri Suetto, for you japanese heads). Tokyo is pretty next, enough crazy shit, hit up harajuku yesterday, pretty tame compared to past visits, not too many bondage couples hanging outt but still pretty word up...Saw some high end retail goods that were way out of my price range, but i still fiend on them.cough cough louis vuitton sneaks

Anyway, another ill discovery of mine in the past couple days has been this thing called imeem (www.imeem.com) it pretty much lets you browse their music library and compose your own playlists and publish them so others can listen and get schooled on some next next next bidnessss(Zeeeeeeeeeeen tings)

anyways, your main man loisonerism decided to get down on some essentials mix...so heres hte link for some serious head expansion, roll up a pillow of some killa in a philly and astral travel away(cant blid in tokyo, mad hectic shiest)

anyways heres the linkage

 

On fire mix 1

Arrigato bitches,

Lois 1

Dilla Related

Whatup Fellow Bliditarians,

Today is a pretty big day for myself, Feb 10 2006, is the year that probably one of the most talented and influential musicians died from a lengthy battle with Lupus, J-Dilla. Dilla was a really talented cat, he was responsible for the beats behind some of the best hip-hop songs, all the while maintaing almost anonymity from fans. 

In remembrance of dilla, I thought I would share with you some of my favourite dilla tracks, and hope that you too become a huge fan of dilla.

Think Twice-Big big track for posting

Climax- Ill track for posting with a breadle, plus gary coleman's in the video

FTP-Boom Boom

Runnin-I bet you all know this track/have bumped to it, but did u know dilla was behind the beat on this jam.The more you know

Reunion-Just peep it

R U Listenin-Dilla beat, Dilla's brother rapping...........

The Red-Dilla and Madlib Collab Kid

Peep Game, Spark Wood and Respect

Your Man,

Lois

ps...this is better than the 12 days fitchmas

pps. Perse

tha first date

in grade seven fitch went on his first date. whether or not he actually went on a legitimate date is unknown but i'm pretty sure he bought jessica window some flowers and held her hand. that's where it all began.

right now just danking on some beers and shit. drunk as you know it is.

where's wes?
girv

A Good Place To Start

here on the first day of fitchmas we examine our friend's childhood.

when he was really young, fitch used to love the song "life is a highway" by tom cochrane. in fact, he loved it so much that every time he heard it he would take off all (yes all) of his clothes and run around the house naked. i can't even begin to speculate as to why he did this but there you have it. his uncle thought it was so funny that he would put the song on every time he was over. it is unclear as to whether or not he still does this. many thanks to cobb for telling me this story.

more on him later
girv

The 12 Days Of Fitchmas

First off, let me commend all of the runners up for the Rasho of the year, for their hard work(i guess) in their various fields...anyways, one runner-up struck me as quite intriguing....Our dear Friend Young Zeus.

What set him apart from the other contestants was the fact that we all personally know Zeus and interact with him on a daily basis. However, he still managed to receive 0 votes on our rasho of they year..2008 was a big year for Zeus, with many many interesting events taking place which helped shape the man(nish boy) we all know now..

So in an effort to perhaps drum up some support for Zeus in 2009, Daily, we will uncover a story from young zeus' past, for your reading pleasure...There is alot to come in the next couple of days...so tune in 

Your pal,

Lois

Cito!

The votes are in and it's cito gaston as our rasho of the year for 2008.

first off, let me congratulate him on this most prestigious honor and thank all of this years participants for a great year.

i was at camp one day and a buddy came up to me and told me that the jays had fired gibby. when i asked who replaced him he said "who would be the best possible person to coach the jays?" he was right.

cito took over the team mid season and caused a huge turnaround. he improved the teams batting but injuries and the shadow of a poor first half proved to be a killer. he took a team from the gutter into contention for a playoff spot. the man took our beloved team and gave us hope and a meaningful season. he also brought that great attitude back to toronto.

and so we salute you, cito, and hope that you continue to be a rasho-like figure for the years to come.

will rogers never went to baltimore
girv

Day 12

june, 1997.

driving up highway 115 to the cottage with my mom and chris feniak we decided to stop in at this zoo called jungle cat world. it's pretty sick, they have bears, lions, wolves, panthers and tigers just to name a few. my mom was off looking at something and i was looking at the tiger.

the tiger was just lying there and there was nothing between me and the great beast but one chain link fence and a small waist high hedge. for some reason i decided to start making dog noises like woof woof and shit. the tiger looked up at me and i just kept going. after thirty seconds or so the tiger sat up and i just kept going. woof woof woof woof. then the tiger pounced and started clawing at the very thin and weak fence. well, being the most frightening thing i had ever seen i flew backwards and landed about five feet away on my back. so there i was lying on the ground looking up at this huge beast standing over me. and that was the scariest moment of my life.

although this was not the most hilarious or complex story i've told over these past weeks i do think it is the most significant. i almost got mauled by a fucking tiger, and i'm not talking about placido "the placebo" polanco. no, not him.

so if there's anything we can take from these stories it's this: there's no point in going around looking for excitement. just live your life to the fullest and eventually excitement will find you. i think last night was a great example of that.

i still haven't fully come to grips with the events that transpired last night so i'll blog about it later this week.

stay tuned
girv

Day Bow Bow....Chik Chik Chika

Day 11: The Night

february, 2006

the night of the north toronto fashion show.

myself, fitch, gott, shaun, and a guy named freudman were making our way downtown for an all ages party at some club. fitch had already had a bit to drink during halftime and the rest of us were just a little buzzed. walking towards the subway we decided fitch should be cut off. he didn't like that very much though so he an away onto young street and into oncoming traffic. we couldn't get the 26 of captain morgan's white rum away from him and although he was with us the whole time, he wouldn't let any of us get near him. i danked a bottle of wine on the ride down and everyone else drank too so we were quite smashed (keep in mind this was a few years ago). fitch continued to sit by himself and protect his 26 for the entire ride. we got onto a streetcar and i managed to get the cap of the bottle away from him. he didn't seem to notice though because every time he took a drink he would first unscrew the imaginary cap, and then put it back on. this is an excellent example of how drunk he really was.

we got to the club and were waiting in this big ass line when we decided to leave because of the huge wait. we tried to get fitch to come too but he wouldn't. so we started to drag him away. after a very long and tedious time getting fitch to this parking lot we realized that shaun was missing and so gott went to find him. so there i am, in this parking lot with fitch, who at this point is passing in and out of consciousness. gott comes back with campbell and we drag fitch to try and get a cab. somewhere in the rocess he grabs a wire from a green p sign and rips it out. so now there's a live wire jumping around in front of this bar and people are scrambling to get out of the way. we try to get fitch a cab but he's too drunk so we get a cop to call us an ambulance. at this point fitch is on the sidewalk passed out and covered in his own piss and i am no longer drunk. turns out seeing your friend get alcohol poisoning is quite the buzz kill. the ambulance gets there and after many jokes at fitch's expense they get him onto the stretcher and he throws up. gott goes with him to the hospital and calls his dad who thinks it's a prank call. the next morning fitch wakes up in a diaper.

so after they leave, campbell and i go back to the club and get in because the line is so small. inside, i run into none other than lois einhorn himself. i tell him about fitch and we have a good laugh. at some point in the night i find campbell at the bar with blood all over his face. turns out he got sucker punched by some asshole and then kicked in the face repeatedly by a group of people. i'm still not sure why but whatever. so i leave with campbell and he goes to the hospital to get stitches (not the same hospital though).

if your wondering where freudman was in all this. he stayed at the club until closing and then jogged home. yes jogged.

i don't drink rum anymore
girv

Day 10: The Thirteen Commandments

over the course of my life i have developed a dynamic list of commandments which i follow. without getting too much into it here they are:

1. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
this rule means that no situation has to be serious and that the answer to any problem is a good attitude and a little humor. as george carlin said "even rape can be funny"

2. A weekend wasted is not a wasted weekend
one time in first year i was walking down morris st. and this drunk kid yelled this at me out a window. and he was right.

3. Obey all laws (except the ones you don't believe in)
i've always thought that laws were more like guidelines. i don't not kill people because it's against the law. i don't kill people because i think it would be a huge dick move. i park in legal parking spaces because i realize that illegal parking spaces are illegal for a reason and because i don't want to pay a fine. your morals are more important than anything else you could posses.

4. Someday your life will flash before your eyes, make it worth watching
live for the moment, and make sure every instant of your live is exciting and thrilling. that's what it's all about after all.

5. Don’t buy a car you can’t push
besides the literal meaning this tells us not to get too far over our heads and to never put ourselves in a position we can't get out of

6. The unaimed arrow cannot miss
if you don't try you cannot fail. i'm not saying don't try, i'm just trying to impose my minimalist mentality on the world.

7. Go wherever the world takes you (except to mr. sub)
just let it happen. unless it's mr sub. that place fuckin sucks.

8. Don’t quit on the team, just enjoy it while you lose
no matter how badly they are (the leafs), you should always stand by your team and never ever boo. for any reason.

9. Einstein was no Girvan
self explanatory

10. Chill
just chill

11. Eagles may soar but weasels don’t get caught in jet engines
just because someone is better than you, it doesn't make them better than you

12. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened
don't get hung up on the past. the future is much more important.

13. Never swing on the Girv-Cirv.
the most important of all commandments. if i even began to explain this to you your head would most likely explode.

so this is the end
girv

Day 9: No, Not Like a Power Drill

hey ho, i realize that yesterday's entry was a fucking essay but i just had so much to say. hence the blog. i'll try to keep this one short.

june 26, 2006.
myself, gott, rabbot, malcolm and wes went to a jays game and were sitting in section 524A in one of the farthest rows back. we had been drinking (a lot), and were doing pretty well drunkwise. strangely, i've been to many jay's games but this was the only time i actually went drunk. i know this seems crazy and the boys at DJF would be ashamed but i have no excuse or explanation so i'll just move on.

we were playing the mets and we were chirping pretty well. i had a good one on julio franco but that's not the point. soon after the game started a cop came up to us and told us that he was "all for the hootin' and hollerin'[yes in those exact words] but wee're getting complaits and you guys need to keep it sown or i'll have to ask you to leave". don't ask me why but we were convinced that the bald guy five rows ahead of us was the one who complained so gott decided to tell him to get a "chromedomeium". i don't know what that is either but i don't think he appreciated it and yada yada yada we were on the TTC.

those of you not from toronto and some of you who are have probably never heard the radio station Q107 but every weekday morning they have what they call a "tool of the day". apparently the bald man we (gott) were heckling was none other than beloved toronto voice man andy frost. well, frost told the boys at the morning show and they thought it was pretty stupid so, seeing as they make their living on stupid, we became the "tools of the day". this may be my greatest claim to fame.

tune in next time
girv

Day 8: I'm Henry, Clay Henry

it's been awhile since we talked baseball and considering it's 15 days until pitchers and catchers report to spring training (think about that: pitchers... and catchers) i thought i'd wet all of your appetites with this nugget from our friends over at DJF.

so...
in march of 2001 i experienced one of the most life-altering moments of my life. i bit into a subway sandwich for the very first time. it was lunch hour at the great deer park. a school which has spawned such greats as: girv, lois, and that is all (yes, i realize many of our faithful readers went there as well). but i digress, it was suggested that we go to subway for lunch and i was a bit skeptical. at this point in my life i hadn't yet had my sideburns cut off and wasn't all that open to new experiences. but i went and ordered a six inch roast beef on hearty italian with cheese, lettuce and mayo. i do realize that this is rather plain but i was new and didn't quite know what i was getting into.

the woman who owned the subway on young just north of st. clair was a very nice asian woman named debbie. she got to know us pretty well after we became regulars and we were all happy.

after enjoying the sub my parents decided that they would fund daily subs because they saw it as an opportunity for me to get a healthy meal every day. if you don't yet understand the irony of this situation you will soon. after eating the roast beef for awhile i started adding bacon to it. this would prove to be a major breakthrough in my subway career.

after grade eight i moved to NT and we found a new subway on the way to fitch's house. we would go to subway and get lunch, then move on to the fitch household and watch a movie and eat our very satisfying submarines. our new spot had another very nice woman for a manager, i don't remember her name but one of the employees on her staff bared a striking resemblance to captain morgan. i shit you not, he was a fucking pirate.

by this time i was getting footlong BLTs, sometimes with extra bacon. get it now? i was in my prime, eating good (sort of), friendly with the staff, and enjoying having the same thing for lunch everyday.

at the start of grade ten we made a life-altering choice. we decided to start going to the other subway. this subway was our rival, i once had a twenty dollar bill that was counterfeit (no, i didn't make it). i got rid of it by buying a sub from them. we spent some time discussing whether or not to move. in the end we did and that's when we met tony. the manager of the new subway.

tony became our greatest manager yet, we were on a first name basis and i could walk into the place order "the usual" and sit at "our table". it was heaven, every day at 11:40.

our tenure at tony's was the longest and certainly most eventful of my career. we had a core group of five: me, gott, fitch, rabbot, and sean (the one from the girvan ouch). others would come and go but we were the core.

i remember on what i have come to know as "Black Monday" tony informed me that the head office had stopped sending him hearty italian bread. i may have cried a little. another poor day was when they discontinued the sub-club cards. at one point i had 22 full cards, that's 88 feet of BLT.

there were more bright spots than dark though. i remember when chicken parmesan was brought in and i finally switched to: footlong chicken strips (breaded) with bacon, shredded cheese, lettuce, onions, mayo, and honey garlic on italian herbs and cheese. yummers. the woman who made my lunch everyday was fantastic, i can't remember her name but i remember once tony was about to make my sub but got her to do it because he didn't want to ruin my lunch. oh that tony.

on the last day of grade twelve i got tony to sign my yearbook. i haven't seen him since.

fuck mr sub
girv

Day 7: Just Like Salame

it's no accident that i didn't post this yesterday. i was going to but i was lazy and in true Blidlife fashion just didn't get around to it.

somewhere around the age of 13 i went to brampton to visit my cousin who had built a plane and flew it out of the brampton airport. it was a red two seater which he spent ten years building from a kit. i sat in the passenger seat and we flew around for awhile and i even got to fly the plane a little. afterwords i went to get a haircut and the guy cut my sideburns off. not short, off. just like in episode 4 of season 1 of Tim and Eric.

that was painless
girv

The 100th Post

That's right ladies and gentlemen. this is the 100th post on Blidlife, a historic day in our proud history. there are many people who should be thanked by the writers of this fine blog but on a personal note i would like to thank my partner in crime lois einhorn. as a homage to lois here are a couple of his posts which never got posted:

Educated Opinions
Good afternoon,

So after having a very relaxing morning, and a fun time in class(yea thats right). I came home to catch up on some serious social networking...So i logged on, checked my facebook, and then something caught my eye...Someones status update featured a link to a blog, and then said and i quote "This guy is a huge dick, rape his blog"...So to quell my curiousity, I clicked the link, and read through it...I soon discovered that this blog was done by a bereaved parent who was attempting to change legislation regarding drinking and driving..And then in somewhat of a blind rage, it came to me...That the person who was commenting on the blog author being a dick was a fucking idiot(pardon my swearing)

This brought back to me, a revelation which I had previously, and promptly forgot. That those who are smug, and believe that they are smart and educated on a topic, usually are knuckleheads. Especially those who have dropped out of school, and believe that they are learing "street knowledge" and are smarter than everyone else due to the fact that they were too proverbially

A Few Words About Going Dumb
Good afternoon fine blidlifer's..Lois here, just having on a perse airport styles, enjoying the perks of free internet and overpriced food..but enough about my plight, lets talk about going dumb.

Going dumb, the term used to describe when someone is in a state of utter and complete ruckus.

and here are some people we would like to thank for other things:

AA-for the tunes
bambu-for paper
chron-for inspiration
david attenborough-for planet earth
fitch-for providing us with nuff material to write about
gott/campbell-for putting up with all my shit
mac dre-for hyphy
monica-for making Blidlife her homepage before i did
patty-for persey
rasho-for obvious reasons
shyssa/parkes-for believing without knowing who we are
tim/eric-for give us someone to look up to
wes-for the mess
willies-for sustenance

if we've left anyone out it's not because we don't like you, it's because we just forgot and it's not my fault. if you feel deserving of thanks please thank yourself in the comments section.

here's to you guys
girv

Day 6: The Birth of Fear

first off, i'm not sure what's going on here but although i agree whole-heartedly with what the post had to say i was not responsible for the post about jose. now this is starting to get weird. oh well.

although i can't remember when this happened exactly i can tell you that i was seven years old. my bed was fairly low to the ground and beside the head of my bed was a radiator which i used as a bed-side table. this wasn't very economical though because the top of the radiator was about a foot and a half above my bed.

one night i was playing with some silly putty when my mom told me to go to sleep. being the good, obedient child that i was i put the putty on the radiator and dozed off. i tend to move around a lot when i sleep and sometimes roll over. once i even woke up with my head at the foot of my bed having turned all the way around in my sleep.

i guess the silly putty fell off the rad and landed on my pillow only to have me roll over onto it because when i woke up i had a huge clump of putty stuck in my hair. for reasons i can't remember i didn't want my parents to know so i put on a tuque and pretended that i had hit my head and it was a harmless bump. this was an obvious lie because the lump stuck out about an inch.

luckily my mom cut the putty out of my hair. however, this left me with a bald spot on the side of my head. this can be quite traumatizing for a kid at such a young age. a few days later i went to the barber and had my hair cut to the same length as the spot which turned out to be a #4 buzz. from that day right up until this summer that was the only haircut i would get. i probably sub-consciously didn't want my hair to get any longer for fear of what might happen to it. but that fear is nothing compared to the other fear which was instilled in me by this traumatic experience.

even today i feel very nervous around silly putty and haven't touched any since that day.

now you know my darkest fear
girv

Jose Calderon

Jose Calderon... That is all.


This is not a test.

Go Dumb Fridays

Today is a beautiful day, as i sit here sparking wood and considerately going dumb, an idea came to me. Ive always been a yay area music enthusiast and hyphy enthusiast, so it is only natural that I introduce next mens to the music thats got me gone off the grapes.

Every Friday I will post a next yay area musician to broaden your horizons to the wonderful word of the purp.

Today, well focus on the Pack

Next mens coming correct on a gang of tracks

Booty Bounce Bopper

Vans

In My Car

and my personal favourite, Dum Ditty Dum

Thizz In Peace Mac Dreezy

your cutty,

Young Lois

Day 5: Dolla Dolla Bills Yall

april, 2000.
my pal alex and i would walk down to the local beckers every day to get a froster and possibly some other candies (ie. jaw breakers, monster truck wheels, fizz, warhammers, and vanilla coke). one day i found a twenty dollar bill on the floor and alex and i began discussing the merits of keeping or turning in the money. alex convinced me to turn in the money and come back the next day to see if anyone came to get it. if not, i would take it back. so we gave the bill to the woman at the counter who we trusted and saw every day. the next day we came back and she seemed to have forgotten the whole incident and the suddenly remembered and said in what i can only describe as a lying tone that someone had claimed it. as i walked out of there with my froster and my not twenty dollars i realized that i had been taken for the proverbial "ride".
if there's one thing i've leaned from the movie cocktail is that there are two kinds of people in this world. the workers and the hustlers. the hustlers never work and the workers never hustle. this particular experience has made me into a hustler, and if this hadn't have happened there's no telling how much shit i would have put up with for all these years. usually you can't put a price on character building experiences, but twenty bucks is pretty good. even for a cheap bastard like myself.

never drink a red eye
girv

Day 4: Survival

in july of 2004 i went on a month-long canoe trip with seven other guys. it was a hell of a time and we saw some crazy shit. in fact, on day seven one of the guys, jerry, actually went crazy. but that's not the point. our trip was cut short a few days by an unfortunate incident.

on day 14 we came to a fairly easy set of rapids which ended in a ten foot drop which we had no desire to go over. this drop was followed by a frothy set with lots of standing waves. myself and pope (my sternsman) went first and portaged around the drop i then went back to tell everyone else to go and make sure they were ok. the first boat came down easily but then i saw an overturned boat come around the corner. i remember remarking to the guys in the other boat how funny it was that those idiots dumped on such a joke of a set. i remeber then realizing that the boat and all the shit that was in it was about to go over the drop. i ran like a motherfucker down that trail and pope and i paddled out to try and catch all the shit. but we were too late and the stuff was lost. luckily there was a campsite at the end of the portage and we were able to asses what we had lost. here's a list of what we were missing:

pack 1:
2 people's dry sacks (all their shit)
2 days worth of meals

pack 2:
full of food

pack 3:
all three tents
both tarps
both cooking grills

and the boat of course.

that night two guys went down the river to find the shit and the rest of us built a shelter with a small tarp that we had and canoes. this was the worst sleep of my life. the bugs were rampant (northern quebec in july=balls), it was very hot and we were sleeping on rock that was covered in ash because it had just been the site of a most vicious forest fire. the next day the two guys came back and said they had found the boat. we went to that site and also found packs one and two. when we were searching for pack 3 we realized that none of the items in the pack would float and it became evident that the pack had sunk to the bottom of the river somewhere. the 15th night i slept by myself under a canoe and had a great sleep. the next night we camped beside a huge waterfall (shown below) and i built a shelter (shown below that). i slept under a canoe twice more and on the last day it started to rain. there were no campsites to be found anywhere and it was about 5 degrees C and very wet. we were all cold as fuck and had no tents or campsites to build shelters. luckily, blake, a man i am forever indebted to, saw a small cabin in the woods where we could stay. it was a plywood box about eight feet square. it had a cot, a counter, and a dismanteled wood stove. we tried to get the stove working but let me just say that duct tape does not go well with heat and smells fucking aweful when it burns. the next day we arrived at james bay and the town of waskaganish (the chlamydia capital of north america).
the lesson here is never put all your tents in one pack. which is not to be confused with "never put all your eggs in one basket". seriously though, it's a totally different concept.

and remember not to ever burn duct tape,

ever.
girv

Day 3: Incompetence

first off, i would like to point out that although the last post entitled: "patty" was not written by me even though blogger seems to have credited me with the piece. as you can see, this was lois in the most drunken of stupors being generally blid. in no way was i involved in the publishing of that post, regardless of how jealous i may be of it.

now, on to business.

in grade ten i took a computer science class. we learned how to use turing, which is, i suppose, some sort of language like java or something. as you can see i rarley paid attention, in fact, the only thing i did for the entire year was write a program which turened out to be composed of over 600 lines of code which i called "sinister fish". when you ran the program you saw a small, yellow fish begin moving accross the screen. soon afterwards, a larger red fish whose facial expression could only be described as sinister began chasing the small fish. when they got about 3/4 of the way across the screen the sinister fish would catch up to the small fish and it's mouth would open and close as it ate the smaller fish. the sinister fish would then continue to move off the screen and the program would be over. i spent an entire school year and 600 lines of code for that, and i couldn't be more proud. in fact, i'm pretty sure i got more out of that class than anyone else. but onto the real story:

2003, december, it's a friday. now anyone who attended north toronto CI will tell you that for their entire high school career exams were scheduled at 9:00am and 1:00pm. i had an exam for comp-sci, i knew it was not in the morning which meant that the exam was at 1:00. i arrived at 12:30 with a half hour to do some last minute studying. as i'm walking through the halls two chaps walk out of the washroom discussing the exam that they had just written. i inquired as to which exam they had just written and they told me they wrote the computer science exam. well, for the record, my first reaction was to say "holy shit" at an above-reasonable level. but my bewilderment quickly turned to hilarity as i was informed that on this particular friday the exams had been scheduled for 9, 11:30, and 2. i was one hour late and quite unable to write the exam. for those of you who care, don't worry, on the report card (remember those?) where the exam was worth 30% i still pulled in a whopping 52.

as a blidlife exclusive i will confess that while the rest of the class was taking up the exam when we got back in january, i realized that i had no idea what the fuck was going on and porbably would have failed the exam anyway.

but i haven't missed one since
girv

Patty

Hey peterson...Way to fucking be a dick..Steve nash is a manz, you are a legit batiridah tang.
mens on that little big planet perse...wack fruity tangs

listen to that asher roth, mens on that morning dew bidnesss.susssssssss

your boy
lois "Doctor Green Thumbs" Einhorn

ps...bun that kush


"Grew Kush Before The Fashion, Doctor Green Thumbs betweenthe gloves and the hashplant"

NExxxxxt

what a historic day

this day will be marked forever in history, as a day of second chances, a day of rebirth, a day of hope. today, Claude Lemieux makes his return to the NHL.
take him off the washed up list forever boys
girv

Day 2: Road Warrior

alright so before you guys start reeming me out for my last post, i wasn't trying to be insensitive or jump the gun. ok, so nathan jawai didn't actually play last night but i still think it was a huge step for him.

onto day 2:

when i was a young lad my friends and i used to play road hockey almost every day. and every day the ice cream man would come by at around 4:00. when he first started coming around we would call him the "ice cream nazi" not because he was mean but because he looked like the soup nazi from seinfeld. we thought it was rather ironic though that he turned out to be really very nice. after awhile we learned that his name was norm and started calling him uncle norm.

one fine day two freinds and i were at someone's house where they had some realistic looking toy guns. we proceded to hold up norm with the gun. now, when i say we, i mean my buddy and not me. the other two of us hid behind a bush. at the sight of the gun he held up his arms and said "i surrender". he then gave my friend a huge wad of fives. he got the money back and called me a chicken for hiding behind the bush.

since then i have never hid behind a bush from a robbery.

and neither should you
girv

a great day for black people

yes, in america it's martin luther king day and barack obama is about to be sworn in as president. but i'm not taking about that. i'm talking about Nathan Jawai, who as of this afternoon has become the first australian aboriginal to play in the NBA. now the game hasn't started yet but he should get some playing time.

here's hoping
girv

The Twelve Days of Girv

for the next twelve days i shall be revealing stories from my childhood so that some of you may get a small glimpse into my dementia. each day i will tell a different story pertaining to a certain life lesson that i learned or to a certain quality that makes me who i am.

the first story is about my eight minutes of fame, and the discovery of
"The Girvan Ouch".

it was a cold january day in 2002, much like today, only it wasn't raining and school hadn't been canceled. since the "field" was actually concrete and had no grass we could only play football in the winter when there was a lot of snow on the ground. we were playing a friendly match when the opposing team's third down came and went without success. my friend sean was getting ready to punt the ball and i was steamboating. i think it's important to mention that i was, hands down, the best steamboater on that side of isslington. it is also important to note that sean was three times my size. he wasn't unhealthily obese, he was just huge. anyway, i was steamboating and he punted the ball right at me. in an effort to preserve my manhood i turned around and the ball hit me in the back. well, i flew about five feet in the air and landed flat on my face. after i got up i looked a sean and said "ouch". now, since the ball had technically hit me and sean recovered the ball. he got a fresh set of downs. the play was named the girvan ouch and was used on many unsuspecting victims where we would purposefully kick the ball at people so hard that they couldn't catch it and we would recover it. this only works in your own endzone in the NFL but i have seen it done on two occasions and every time i theink of how much money i could have made if only i had become a professional football coach.

more to come
girv

The Hiatus

Ohhhhh zappp...So hangover sundays are in full effect, in order to persy and escape the wrath of the countless drinks that were ingested over the course of last evening, having on some blid is necessary.

Fuck, sorry young zanglefeen(fitch for you noooobs) is ranting on redwall abbey, remember those civil and noble mice and other assorted rodents fairly perse

Runnnnnnnnnnnnin away

koombyaa

yo, if your here because your hating on various posts made on ign boards please don't hate on this blog. on behalf of blidlife, i do apologize for our CBO's somewhat unorthadox advertising methods. while your here though, please feel free to peruse our enterprise.

onto other matters. this past week has been a great and historical one. chuck comes home to toronto, rsho hosts the raps in the indy while similtaniously and at the same time the graham crackers make smores (not a sexual refrence) and JO gets a mixed welcome.

this week's rasho of the week: andrea bargniani, for finnaly following in joey graham's footsteps and finally living up to his potential.

also, since we are in the new year the rasho of 2008 will have to be: a vote. why is it always me who chooses this shit. here are this year's nominees:

chuck swirsky
cito gaston
matt fitch
young pat
and
steve guttenberg

please vote for your favourite. without people to read the blog, we're just talking to each other

more to come
girv

NOT WORTH IT!

oh weaslee, how do you do?

in other news leafs pick up the most delicious Brad May. if, for some reason you don't have the most respect for brad may check this out. yo, what up son? i love to find shiny things in the sand with a metal detector. thinsillated.

ok but seriously i'm wearing a took. wathicn bet. there's a man with a very poor dental plan speaking in slow motion. bloohaaa?

on to the tribeks, doughnuts till ya puke. micky dees

speaking of julian kent. where the fuck is matthew broderick.



yeh
girv