I'd like to say a few words about Toronto Fans

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I would like to present you with my credentials:I was born in Toronto, in east general hospital to be exact, and I have lived at xxx xxxxxx dr. (address not shown for security reasons) all my life. Not including the year I lived in Calgary but who's counting? I am a leafs fan, a raptors fan, a jays fan, and if the FC were playing the galaxy I would be telling David Beckham to go home and fuck his wife (who, I do realize, is much hotter than any wife I could ever hope of having). Booing is my biggest pet peeve (in the parlance of our times), and I don't get pissed off when my team loses nor do I have a grudge against John Ferguson Jr. And most importantly of all I do NOT consider myself a "Toronto Fan".

So, on to the nitty-gritty.

Individually, Torontonians are fine people. But when you put them together in some sort of setting, say, a city or sports venue. They become a group of the biggest assholes in the world, they're rude, they don't acknowledge when others are having difficulty with something and they always have something negative to say about the local sports franchise. The very same sports franchise they claim to "love". Let’s go through it team by team shall we?

The raps:

Probably the best fans in the city, raps fans provided a great playoff atmosphere last year (particularly for Vince carter), and they've been filling the ACC every night for a few months now. Fantastic. T.J. ford injures his neck for the third(?) time in his career and is out for a few very scary months, he returns to a standing ovation, but a short time later he is getting booed for having trouble shooting when he comes off the bench. Lately, the raps haven't been playing very well (actually they've been sucking), and I've noticed that the fans begin to boo very early on if the raps are down. I’m not a professional athlete, but I can't imagine getting booed at home is a very rewarding, helpful experience (unless you’re A-Rod). The Sixers aren't beating us, were beating ourselves. Our 3-point percentage isn't going to get better if every time kapono gets the ball a guy in a kapono jersey tells him he sucks. in fact the only player playing well right now in Rasho, but he's such a wily veteran his game isn't affected by anything. he could be playing for the knicks right now and he'd still be putting up double doubles every night. Basketball is a game of momentum and intensity, so far we have neither.

The jays:

I think Jays fans are probably just as good as raps fans, perhaps even better. The problem is: there aren't any. And those who try to help with clever chirps at opposing players are drowned out by the guy who probably knows more about cricket yelling something along the lines of: "hey Jeter, you suck!". Very clever indeed. I bet there's more openly gay CEO's in this city than knowledgeable baseball fans. And I have nothing against non-baseball people coming to baseball games. Hey, that’s why the Jays aren't in Columbus. But please, for the love of god, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Oh, and don't complain about the pace of the game, if you don't like it, don't watch it.

And now: Leaf fans.
Easily the most abundant Toronto fan, the leaf fan is both stupid, and whiny. Think Anakin skywalker meets, well, Anakin skywalker. However, the average leaf fan is very weak and cannot defend itself in even the most pathetic bout of hand to hand combat. Leaf fans can often be found complaining about the fact that they haven't won a Stanley cup in something along the lines of forty years. Clearly they haven't noticed that the Chicago cubs are currently celebrating the 100th anniversary of their last championship. Although leaf fans are loyal, the organization cannot seem to harness this loyalty (not that they care). the ticket prices are so high, they only blue and white you see at the games are on the ties of the upper class twats who only came to the game to show their Chinese business partners what ice looks like when it's inside. Although the fans, if used properly, would be a great weapon against the other teams, they're stupidity would probably cause an international incident. Maybe we should move the team to Hamilton for a year and see what happens. I hear shock therapy works wonders. By the way, I give the new GM four years to win a championship before someone shoots him. That seems to be the new fad in our "great" city.

So there you have it. And if you're half as smart as I am (which your probably not because your reading a stranger's blog), you've noticed the classic pattern that the fewer Toronto fans you have, the more successful you are. I predict a monster year for the FC, better win quickly before the cement-heads realize you exist.

now you know

1 comment:

Monica said...

i agree..
vic beckhem is super hot.
but so is the soccer god himself