some final notes:
raps are out. very sad, but there were bright points in the season. for this reason i am nominating multiple rashos of the week: the entire raps organization, thanks for the great season boys.
it's about 2 degrees up here at camp, used two sleeping bags last night as my cabin has no insulation or heating. still went for a dip though. great stuff.
This letter was sent in by Jason Jennings of West MiddleField Shire.
I'm going to start with myself (shocked, aren't you). that's right folks, i have been known to-from time to time-be full of shit. when i talk to children (something i make a living doing in the summer) i am completely full of shit (for the record kids: no, I am not the servant of the prince of New Zealand). in high school, when i told my teachers that i distinctly remembered handing th assignments in and they must have lost it, i was full of shit (and needed an extension). however, i only use my bullshit for personal gain or amusement, i guess you could call it "white bull shit". or not. either way, i do not flaunt my bullshit.
others, however, do not share my respect for the sanity of others. they like to go around telling everyone that they got 98% in calculus (but forget to mention that they have 2% of the social life of the person who got a 70%). or they guy who can't stop telling you about how he knows a guy who knows the MP for Scarborough and if you need some free pens, he can totally hook you up. i would also like to include on this list anyone who reads food labels for anything other than allergies or personal interest. but more on that later.
and then we had the coldest winter in decades. how very inconvenient for you Mr. Gore.
people who get good marks but have no friends and are very impressed with themselves. they are full of shit. they think that because they spend 24 hours in the law library and memorize the textbook they're special. they go around flaunting their marks (ie. bullshit) in front of everyone. anyone can spend their life in the library and get decent marks. i don't, as many of you may know, but i could. maybe this sounds dumb, maybe this sounds like an excuse for all my shortcomings, maybe this sounds like pointless rambling (ie. most of my blogs). but i firmly believe in this: it's not what you know, but who you know and what you can get away with. think about it, i don't know shit (that's useful), but i get by.
and when you were a kid did you ever try to dignify yourself through the accomplishments of your parents? "oh, yeh? well my daddy knows Kevin Bacon." fuck you. everybody knows Kevin Bacon. these kids ought to be put on an all trans fat diet.
and what about these people who are concerned about everything they eat. hey i read food labels. but I'm in food science, these things interest me. do you know what carrageenen is? and what about these people who don't drink tap water. what the fuck is your problem? drink the water like everyone else and shut the fuck up.
and what about straight bullshitters? guys who just straight up lie about shit. some examples:
i can throw 80 mph
saturated fats are illegal in the US
chew is illegal in baseball
i have a life size rasho poster
no one has ever discussed switching the nba playoffs to the top 16 teams in the league instead of 8 in the conference
well, i can't say much more that about our favourite uncle than that.
so it seems that everyone from al gore to barry lesser is flaunting their bullshit all over the place.
and it's depressing, but hey, maybe someday it'll all come back and bite them in the ass. and i think that's begun, people are starting to get their comeuppance. people are becoming immune to this bullshit, maybe someday bullshitting will even be a crime. maybe there will come a day when we can all just sit down and admit to being completely full of shit.
well that's a poetic note, and it's a start, and i can dream can't i?
so go ahead, tell someone your full of shit. it might bring relief to your stressful life around this time of year.
well now you know
yup, i wrote that poem. pretty good huh?
well maybe not, but holy shit. frank thomas released by the jays. as mentioned before, there are no words to describe this turn of events, there is only silence, waiting,
what the fuck am i doing with this poetry. my whole world is upside down. ahhhh i'm going fucking crazy here. i feel like i;m gonna be watching the game and the big hurts gonna come up to bat and say "happy belated april fools day guys" and then club (or belt) one out of the park. but probably not. good luck with all your endeavors frank. and i hope my message of good luck (see previous sentence) keep your spirits up in these difficult times.
but seriously, thanks for the good times, you will be missed.
more than reed johnson (sorry reed).
raps lost behind a back-breaking performance by jason kapono (back-breaking? what the fuck is wrong with me).
all round a bad day, but i'm staring to get my throw back so thats nice i guess.
rasho of the week: frank thomas.
well done my friend, see you in the hall
what the fuck, i'm not going to the hall
i gotta stop this madness
today marks the second day in a row I've worn shorts (not those ones you fucking idiot). that means that because of my obnoxiously stubborn personality I will putting shorts on every morning from now until somewhere around the end of the baseball season.
speaking of baseball, how about the rockies and padres? 22 innings? where's Chuck Swirsky, that deserves and "are you kidding me?"
ok so I go to write my physics exam (PHYC 1300). I go to the student accessibilities center because I'm "mentally retarded" and for some reason, the universities want to help me stay in school by giving me extra time on exams (is it possible this is a money issue?). Regardless of their intentions I appreciate the fact that they think I'm "special"(?). Anyways I go, and they're taking a really long time, apparently they can't track down my exam (and I'm retarded). After awhile they tell me that my exam is, in fact, on the 22nd. My prof signed off on the date so either they changed the date or I copied it down wrong and she doesn't read things before signing them. Maybe I am retarded. or maybe not.
so, how's your day going?
no, I'm talking about Frank "The Hobbit" Menechino. 2nd baseman and utility man for the Oakland Athletics and the Toronto Blue Jays.
Last night's soirée at the Sky Dome reminded me of the fateful night in 2004 when we actually ran out of pitchers, i mean we fucking ran out. and, well here's what happened:
Jays vs. Yankees
at Sky Dome
Ted Lilly vs. Kevin Brown
John Gibbons vs. Joe Torre
Frank Menechino vs. The World
the jays got off to a good start with Ted Lilly on the mound, they opened up the first three innings by going up 4-0 on Kevin Brown.
the Yankees then came within one with 3 runs in the 4th off a Posda double and a Matsui single. and took the lead with 4 more in the 6th. thus chasing lilly out of the game and giving way to Charles "Vinny" Chulk. after Chulk and Jason Frasor each give up solo jacks the Yankees are up 9-4.
the jays come back though in the bottom of the 8th with a couple of RBI singles from Reed Johnson and Chris Woodward off Paul Quantrill. which gives way to the arrival of Mariano Rivera to try and get a save in the 9-6 game.
then, in the top of the ninth. Dave Maurer comes in and promptly gives up a double, a single, and two walks. giving up one run and leaving with the bases loaded.
and here comes Kerry "lights out" Lightenberg who gives up a grand slam on the second pitch to Ruben sierra. and another home run to Tony Clark on the very next pitch(now 15-6). he then settles down and gets Miguel Cairo to strike out swinging for the first out of the inning. but then gives up two more singles and a 2-run double to Gary Sheffield. luckily, Sheffield got greedy and was caught trying to get to third (yay, 2 outs). then a-rod belted one (or did he club it?) to make it a riveting 18-6 game.
here's where it gets interesting, john gibbons, in only his 19th game as manager, goes to the dugout and Frankie Menechino trots out to the bullpen and then comes to the mound. 2 out, bases empty, the hobbit against Posada. Posada, being the wily veteran he is, swings on the first pitch and gets a single. up comes godzilla against the hobbit (not fair), and he gets on base off the fourth pitch.
and then on the fourth pitch to Ruben Sierra he induces a ground ball to short and this ball game is almost over.
Mariano Rivera then retires the side and gets the save. yes, the save.
it is also noteworthy that frank also pitched an inning for Oakland in 2004, giving up 4 runs on 8 hits thus giving him a career era of 27 in 1.3 innings.
he also had the second most hit by pitches in 2001 with 19. David "spark plug" Eckstein had 21.
it's amazing what you can find on the internet
1) master the art of persing
2) breed their own army of crickets
3) overthrow their opressive ruler, Benson: Lord Of The Rats
as you can see this is a flawless plan, almost as flawless as using your entire bullpen and turning to AJ Burnett in the 14th.
If only Uncle Owen was still around.
Check out the pictures of Barry in various social situations.
By the way, Lorena Bobbit: The chick who cut her husbands dick off with the kitchen knife. Ouch.
you may notice we have a poll going. if not look to the right. -->
feel free to vote, but keep in mind the fact that rasho led the team in points last night with 20 and 7 boards. when was the last time lebron led his team in points? well, whatever.
speaking of the "Slovienian Slayer" (thanks huggy the bear), our rasho award goes out to:
Dr. Barry Lesser, that's right folks! (need I say more?)
watched my first full episode of cheers last night. Woody Harrelson provides an Oscar worthy performance and Ted Danson is the fucking man. Maybe I should get a psychiatrist.jays with a tough loss last night. McGowan just can't get any run support.
raps get the six seed, we're goin' to Disney World!
don't block the fire exit
raps lost today behind yet another flawless Rasho performance. oh, and bosh had a good night too. speaking of the franchise, check this out. Nothing but class, maybe he reads Blid Life. well Jamario moon reads the rookie rankings, and I didn't even know he could read.
well, I guess that's it
Anyways, this got me to thinking: and here's is what happened:
So, on to the nitty-gritty.
Individually, Torontonians are fine people. But when you put them together in some sort of setting, say, a city or sports venue. They become a group of the biggest assholes in the world, they're rude, they don't acknowledge when others are having difficulty with something and they always have something negative to say about the local sports franchise. The very same sports franchise they claim to "love". Let’s go through it team by team shall we?
Probably the best fans in the city, raps fans provided a great playoff atmosphere last year (particularly for Vince carter), and they've been filling the ACC every night for a few months now. Fantastic. T.J. ford injures his neck for the third(?) time in his career and is out for a few very scary months, he returns to a standing ovation, but a short time later he is getting booed for having trouble shooting when he comes off the bench. Lately, the raps haven't been playing very well (actually they've been sucking), and I've noticed that the fans begin to boo very early on if the raps are down. I’m not a professional athlete, but I can't imagine getting booed at home is a very rewarding, helpful experience (unless you’re A-Rod). The Sixers aren't beating us, were beating ourselves. Our 3-point percentage isn't going to get better if every time kapono gets the ball a guy in a kapono jersey tells him he sucks. in fact the only player playing well right now in Rasho, but he's such a wily veteran his game isn't affected by anything. he could be playing for the knicks right now and he'd still be putting up double doubles every night. Basketball is a game of momentum and intensity, so far we have neither.
I think Jays fans are probably just as good as raps fans, perhaps even better. The problem is: there aren't any. And those who try to help with clever chirps at opposing players are drowned out by the guy who probably knows more about cricket yelling something along the lines of: "hey Jeter, you suck!". Very clever indeed. I bet there's more openly gay CEO's in this city than knowledgeable baseball fans. And I have nothing against non-baseball people coming to baseball games. Hey, that’s why the Jays aren't in
And now: Leaf fans.
Easily the most abundant
So there you have it. And if you're half as smart as I am (which your probably not because your reading a stranger's blog), you've noticed the classic pattern that the fewer
So feel free to tell us what huge nerds we are for having a blog. However, be prepared for me to reply by reminding you that you're the one leaving comments on said blog and are, in fact, quite the nerd yourself.
anyway, to business:
jays lost tonight but fought to the end. so much for the big hurt's april slump, I'm not sure why it took him so long to realize that the key to finding one's rhythm is to actually participate in spring training.
as you may have seen (if you haven't check it out), I have started a little tradition called: "a few words about...". it is my firm belief that knowledge is power (G.I. Joe anyone?), and what better way to learn than from an internet blog run by the two bliddest kids in the world (one of whom doesn't even smoke). need i say more? watch for future installments.
don't bite the hand that feeds ya
The southern Elephant Seal or Mirounga leonina, lives in the sea for most of its life but comes to land to breed and give birth to cute little baby elephant seals (see left). They mate during the fall months (August to November). the males are quite a bit bigger than the females and are very protective. a successful male can have as many as 60 females in its "harem". the males establish dominance with their roars and by fighting each other. the bigger the nose the louder the roar and the more likely it is that that male will win in a fight.
They are a close relative of the northern elephant seal (M. angustirostris), which tend to have larger noses but are smaller overall (see right).
As you can see by the picture below, elephant seals are very very sneaky.
Unfortunately many have been killed over the years by seal poachers and were almost extinct. It seems they aren't sneaky enough.
As a final note, I would like to point out that David Attenborough is the fucking man, and if you haven't yet noticed: Elephant Seals are the persiest animal in the world.
now you know
my beat the streak streak (bss) is at 3 now with ichiro, guillen, and reyes up next.
disappointing loss for the raps, we need to get some perimeter defense, this is ridiculous. rasho with 22 and 14. two double doubles in as many nights? you've got to be kidding me.
our rasho award for this week goes to the man rasho himself, this is the first time rasho has won his own award and probably won't be the last.
i would also like to give a shout-out to lois for his bliddest post yet.
jesus says hi
One of the biggest questions affecting our world was poised to me today..
ok, so maybe the woman should have left her shirt on. or just get outside more and do a little exercise, then maybe you wouldn't have gotten caught so easily.
loved th powder blues and the alomar ceremony. can we just switch back permanently?
on a sour note, my beat the streak streak is over at 4, thanks to magglio and the rest of the tigers (with the exception of renteria) not being able to get a hit off this guy:
what the fuck!
i'm back at one now though
raps: last night rasho with 23 and 10, holy shit! fuck kobe, rasho for MVP! this guy is off the motherfucking charts!
anyways, today the jays go up against clay "wundrkid" buchholtz (theres defiantly something wrong when your first name is something you would find in the ground, your last name has consecutive "h"s and a "z", and your nickname is spelled wrong) if we can win this one, it'll be doc going for the sweep against josh beckett. sweet!
raps nets tonight, if we cant beat these guys, who can we beat?
good luck with life
is it just me, or is rod black the biggest tool since carlos tosca.
that's right, Carlos Tosca.
so my beat the streak streak is alive and well as carlos delgado hits a single against the florida marlins. hill also had a hit tonight and i may get credit for having chosen him last night. so i'm either at 4 or 5. next up: magglio "jackie chan" ordonez then carl crawford.
wish me luck