possible hiatus

as you may have heard, lois will be out of commission for awhile. I'm pretty sure they don't have the internet on everest. i am also outish of commision till september. i will try to check in every once and awhile but no promises. so if you have this site as your homepage and you expect to entertained every time you go on the internet, i'm sorry.

some final notes:

raps are out. very sad, but there were bright points in the season. for this reason i am nominating multiple rashos of the week: the entire raps organization, thanks for the great season boys.

it's about 2 degrees up here at camp, used two sleeping bags last night as my cabin has no insulation or heating. still went for a dip though. great stuff.

stay sweet

Fan Mail

This letter was sent in by Jason Jennings of West MiddleField Shire.
Hey Guys,
Im kind of the persiest guy in my small hamlet, which doesnt say much, but still I like to flaunt my persiness as much as possible. I would like to attribute all of the persiness I have acquired to the wonderful writing staff at Blid Life. I would like to let you know that up until last month, I had no idea how persy I was, or what persy even was..But After cotting through your perse, I can now proudly flaunt my smugness and exhibit random acts of perse throughout my hamlet!
Stay Bunning,
Yours Truly,
This one comes from Peggy PrettyPersey Of New Jersey
Dear Guys,
As the mother of a young and impressionable son who has access to the internet and it seems a growing interest in all things persy, I would like to say, shame on you, shame on all of you...Due to your hateful and pro-drug propoganda, I have caught my little Patterson "bunning" on many occasions, and when I catch him, he tells me to chill my peen. I have reported you to the local authorities with the hope that they catch you indoctrinating hippie draft dodgers.

Go to hell,
And sometimes, due to our amazing fan base and wealth of knowledge we get male from readers, who are sometimes confused and seek help from us
Hey guys,
Im 19 and really bunned and wanted to know...am I Gay(please dont post this)
-Matt Fitch

I'd like to say a few words about people who flaunt bullshit

I have many heroes, but none as heroic as George Carlin. perhaps it has been through his "teachings" that I have become so bitter and senile at the ripe old age of 19. so, in his honor, I would like to say a few words about people who are not only full of shit, but they let you know it.

I'm going to start with myself (shocked, aren't you). that's right folks, i have been known to-from time to time-be full of shit. when i talk to children (something i make a living doing in the summer) i am completely full of shit (for the record kids: no, I am not the servant of the prince of New Zealand). in high school, when i told my teachers that i distinctly remembered handing th assignments in and they must have lost it, i was full of shit (and needed an extension). however, i only use my bullshit for personal gain or amusement, i guess you could call it "white bull shit". or not. either way, i do not flaunt my bullshit.

others, however, do not share my respect for the sanity of others. they like to go around telling everyone that they got 98% in calculus (but forget to mention that they have 2% of the social life of the person who got a 70%). or they guy who can't stop telling you about how he knows a guy who knows the MP for Scarborough and if you need some free pens, he can totally hook you up. i would also like to include on this list anyone who reads food labels for anything other than allergies or personal interest. but more on that later.

Al Gore
Al Gore is full of shit. did you see that movie he made? I've seen more interesting shit on you tube. it was a two hour film of a powerpoint presentation about the end of the world. jesus, i could do that in an afternoon. there's so much bullshit on the internet these days i could do a two hour movie on Carrot Top's workout regime. seriously, this guy makes Micheal Moore look like Steven Spielberg. and what about the substance of the movie? there was none. the man rambled on about theories and speculation and used his image as the "ex-next president" to bias it all into truth.
and then we had the coldest winter in decades. how very inconvenient for you Mr. Gore.

people who get good marks but have no friends and are very impressed with themselves. they are full of shit. they think that because they spend 24 hours in the law library and memorize the textbook they're special. they go around flaunting their marks (ie. bullshit) in front of everyone. anyone can spend their life in the library and get decent marks. i don't, as many of you may know, but i could. maybe this sounds dumb, maybe this sounds like an excuse for all my shortcomings, maybe this sounds like pointless rambling (ie. most of my blogs). but i firmly believe in this: it's not what you know, but who you know and what you can get away with. think about it, i don't know shit (that's useful), but i get by.

and when you were a kid did you ever try to dignify yourself through the accomplishments of your parents? "oh, yeh? well my daddy knows Kevin Bacon." fuck you. everybody knows Kevin Bacon. these kids ought to be put on an all trans fat diet.
and what about these people who are concerned about everything they eat. hey i read food labels. but I'm in food science, these things interest me. do you know what carrageenen is? and what about these people who don't drink tap water. what the fuck is your problem? drink the water like everyone else and shut the fuck up.

and what about straight bullshitters? guys who just straight up lie about shit. some examples:

i can throw 80 mph
saturated fats are illegal in the US
chew is illegal in baseball
i have a life size rasho poster
no one has ever discussed switching the nba playoffs to the top 16 teams in the league instead of 8 in the conference

well, i can't say much more that about our favourite uncle than that.

so it seems that everyone from al gore to barry lesser is flaunting their bullshit all over the place.

and it's depressing, but hey, maybe someday it'll all come back and bite them in the ass. and i think that's begun, people are starting to get their comeuppance. people are becoming immune to this bullshit, maybe someday bullshitting will even be a crime. maybe there will come a day when we can all just sit down and admit to being completely full of shit.

well that's a poetic note, and it's a start, and i can dream can't i?

so go ahead, tell someone your full of shit. it might bring relief to your stressful life around this time of year.

well now you know

requiem for greatness

there are no words.
only silence

yup, i wrote that poem. pretty good huh?

well maybe not, but holy shit. frank thomas released by the jays. as mentioned before, there are no words to describe this turn of events, there is only silence, waiting,

what the fuck am i doing with this poetry. my whole world is upside down. ahhhh i'm going fucking crazy here. i feel like i;m gonna be watching the game and the big hurts gonna come up to bat and say "happy belated april fools day guys" and then club (or belt) one out of the park. but probably not. good luck with all your endeavors frank. and i hope my message of good luck (see previous sentence) keep your spirits up in these difficult times.

but seriously, thanks for the good times, you will be missed.

more than reed johnson (sorry reed).

raps lost behind a back-breaking performance by jason kapono (back-breaking? what the fuck is wrong with me).

all round a bad day, but i'm staring to get my throw back so thats nice i guess.

rasho of the week: frank thomas.
well done my friend, see you in the hall

what the fuck, i'm not going to the hall

i gotta stop this madness

Cabin Fever!

Ayeaaa, Its currently 337pm on April 20 2008...This means that in total I have been studying for exams for upwards of 20 days..Which means that I have spent remarkable amounts of time within the Killam Library..I feel like a pavlovian dog waking up every morning, having breakfast, showering and then trudging to the library..Im addicted, One wonders what will happen after exams, will I wake up extremely hungover, trudge to the library, realize I have nothing to do, throw up and then trudge home..I need something that will quell my yearnings for the sterile brick of the Killam library..Any suggestions?

what's going on

ok, so here's what's going on:
today marks the second day in a row I've worn shorts (not those ones you fucking idiot). that means that because of my obnoxiously stubborn personality I will putting shorts on every morning from now until somewhere around the end of the baseball season.

speaking of baseball, how about the rockies and padres? 22 innings? where's Chuck Swirsky, that deserves and "are you kidding me?"

ok so I go to write my physics exam (PHYC 1300). I go to the student accessibilities center because I'm "mentally retarded" and for some reason, the universities want to help me stay in school by giving me extra time on exams (is it possible this is a money issue?). Regardless of their intentions I appreciate the fact that they think I'm "special"(?). Anyways I go, and they're taking a really long time, apparently they can't track down my exam (and I'm retarded). After awhile they tell me that my exam is, in fact, on the 22nd. My prof signed off on the date so either they changed the date or I copied it down wrong and she doesn't read things before signing them. Maybe I am retarded. or maybe not.

so, how's your day going?

The Hobbit

no, I'm not listening to led zeppelin's "ramble on". and I'm not talking about the movies with all the walking and the schizophrenic child with that hair disease that is often seen in Toronto athletes. you know the one.

no, I'm talking about Frank "The Hobbit" Menechino. 2nd baseman and utility man for the Oakland Athletics and the Toronto Blue Jays.

Last night's soirée at the Sky Dome reminded me of the fateful night in 2004 when we actually ran out of pitchers, i mean we fucking ran out. and, well here's what happened:

Jays vs. Yankees
at Sky Dome
Ted Lilly vs. Kevin Brown
John Gibbons vs. Joe Torre
Frank Menechino vs. The World
Attendance: 43541

the jays got off to a good start with Ted Lilly on the mound, they opened up the first three innings by going up 4-0 on Kevin Brown.

the Yankees then came within one with 3 runs in the 4th off a Posda double and a Matsui single. and took the lead with 4 more in the 6th. thus chasing lilly out of the game and giving way to Charles "Vinny" Chulk. after Chulk and Jason Frasor each give up solo jacks the Yankees are up 9-4.

the jays come back though in the bottom of the 8th with a couple of RBI singles from Reed Johnson and Chris Woodward off Paul Quantrill. which gives way to the arrival of Mariano Rivera to try and get a save in the 9-6 game.

then, in the top of the ninth. Dave Maurer comes in and promptly gives up a double, a single, and two walks. giving up one run and leaving with the bases loaded.

and here comes Kerry "lights out" Lightenberg who gives up a grand slam on the second pitch to Ruben sierra. and another home run to Tony Clark on the very next pitch(now 15-6). he then settles down and gets Miguel Cairo to strike out swinging for the first out of the inning. but then gives up two more singles and a 2-run double to Gary Sheffield. luckily, Sheffield got greedy and was caught trying to get to third (yay, 2 outs). then a-rod belted one (or did he club it?) to make it a riveting 18-6 game.

here's where it gets interesting, john gibbons, in only his 19th game as manager, goes to the dugout and Frankie Menechino trots out to the bullpen and then comes to the mound. 2 out, bases empty, the hobbit against Posada. Posada, being the wily veteran he is, swings on the first pitch and gets a single. up comes godzilla against the hobbit (not fair), and he gets on base off the fourth pitch.

and then on the fourth pitch to Ruben Sierra he induces a ground ball to short and this ball game is almost over.

Mariano Rivera then retires the side and gets the save. yes, the save.

it is also noteworthy that frank also pitched an inning for Oakland in 2004, giving up 4 runs on 8 hits thus giving him a career era of 27 in 1.3 innings.

he also had the second most hit by pitches in 2001 with 19. David "spark plug" Eckstein had 21.

it's amazing what you can find on the internet

The Mice are Learning

The art of persing that is.the mice have a 3 point agenda.

1) master the art of persing
2) breed their own army of crickets
3) overthrow their opressive ruler, Benson: Lord Of The Rats

as you can see this is a flawless plan, almost as flawless as using your entire bullpen and turning to AJ Burnett in the 14th.

If only Uncle Owen was still around.
Check out the pictures of Barry in various social situations.
very funny.

By the way, Lorena Bobbit: The chick who cut her husbands dick off with the kitchen knife. Ouch.

Uncle Owen?
Aunt Beru?

library persing?

sorry lois, couldn't think of a better title for a blog post from the library. sad, i know. anyway, just sittin' here, got dylan on the turntable and I'm doin' some physics.

you may notice we have a poll going. if not look to the right. -->
feel free to vote, but keep in mind the fact that rasho led the team in points last night with 20 and 7 boards. when was the last time lebron led his team in points? well, whatever.

speaking of the "Slovienian Slayer" (thanks huggy the bear), our rasho award goes out to:
Dr. Barry Lesser, that's right folks! (need I say more?)

watched my first full episode of cheers last night. Woody Harrelson provides an Oscar worthy performance and Ted Danson is the fucking man. Maybe I should get a psychiatrist.jays with a tough loss last night. McGowan just can't get any run support.

raps get the six seed, we're goin' to Disney World!
don't block the fire exit

First Beej of the Season

Man, that felt good. at first the triple by marlon byrd was a little frightening but I suppose that's a good way to get rid of a year of rust. the beej promptly embarrassed the next tree batters to get his first save in his first appearance of the year. by the way, in case your that slow: I am, in fact, talking about baseball. the Jays get a sweep of Texas in Arlington for the first time in 23 years. AJ with a sub par outing but a good showing from the offense.

raps lost today behind yet another flawless Rasho performance. oh, and bosh had a good night too. speaking of the franchise, check this out. Nothing but class, maybe he reads Blid Life. well Jamario moon reads the rookie rankings, and I didn't even know he could read.

well, I guess that's it

a small intro

I was informed recently that the jays will no longer be serving beer in the 500 level for Toonie Tuesdays, and they will be hiring more security to pat down people coming into the stadium. Although this does not affect me directly as I won't be going to games on Tuesdays; this is just sad. Some idiots decided to show everyone how tough they are by getting in fights with red sox fans. Have you ever met a red sox fan? there's nothing to prove, just point to the scoreboard and tell them to get off the fucking bandwagon, or, if they've been a red sox fan all their life: apologize, and ask if there's anything you can do to help them in this most troubling time. Then make a witty and offensive remark.

Anyways, this got me to thinking: and here's is what happened:

(see below)

I'd like to say a few words about Toronto Fans

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I would like to present you with my credentials:I was born in Toronto, in east general hospital to be exact, and I have lived at xxx xxxxxx dr. (address not shown for security reasons) all my life. Not including the year I lived in Calgary but who's counting? I am a leafs fan, a raptors fan, a jays fan, and if the FC were playing the galaxy I would be telling David Beckham to go home and fuck his wife (who, I do realize, is much hotter than any wife I could ever hope of having). Booing is my biggest pet peeve (in the parlance of our times), and I don't get pissed off when my team loses nor do I have a grudge against John Ferguson Jr. And most importantly of all I do NOT consider myself a "Toronto Fan".

So, on to the nitty-gritty.

Individually, Torontonians are fine people. But when you put them together in some sort of setting, say, a city or sports venue. They become a group of the biggest assholes in the world, they're rude, they don't acknowledge when others are having difficulty with something and they always have something negative to say about the local sports franchise. The very same sports franchise they claim to "love". Let’s go through it team by team shall we?

The raps:

Probably the best fans in the city, raps fans provided a great playoff atmosphere last year (particularly for Vince carter), and they've been filling the ACC every night for a few months now. Fantastic. T.J. ford injures his neck for the third(?) time in his career and is out for a few very scary months, he returns to a standing ovation, but a short time later he is getting booed for having trouble shooting when he comes off the bench. Lately, the raps haven't been playing very well (actually they've been sucking), and I've noticed that the fans begin to boo very early on if the raps are down. I’m not a professional athlete, but I can't imagine getting booed at home is a very rewarding, helpful experience (unless you’re A-Rod). The Sixers aren't beating us, were beating ourselves. Our 3-point percentage isn't going to get better if every time kapono gets the ball a guy in a kapono jersey tells him he sucks. in fact the only player playing well right now in Rasho, but he's such a wily veteran his game isn't affected by anything. he could be playing for the knicks right now and he'd still be putting up double doubles every night. Basketball is a game of momentum and intensity, so far we have neither.

The jays:

I think Jays fans are probably just as good as raps fans, perhaps even better. The problem is: there aren't any. And those who try to help with clever chirps at opposing players are drowned out by the guy who probably knows more about cricket yelling something along the lines of: "hey Jeter, you suck!". Very clever indeed. I bet there's more openly gay CEO's in this city than knowledgeable baseball fans. And I have nothing against non-baseball people coming to baseball games. Hey, that’s why the Jays aren't in Columbus. But please, for the love of god, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Oh, and don't complain about the pace of the game, if you don't like it, don't watch it.

And now: Leaf fans.
Easily the most abundant Toronto fan, the leaf fan is both stupid, and whiny. Think Anakin skywalker meets, well, Anakin skywalker. However, the average leaf fan is very weak and cannot defend itself in even the most pathetic bout of hand to hand combat. Leaf fans can often be found complaining about the fact that they haven't won a Stanley cup in something along the lines of forty years. Clearly they haven't noticed that the Chicago cubs are currently celebrating the 100th anniversary of their last championship. Although leaf fans are loyal, the organization cannot seem to harness this loyalty (not that they care). the ticket prices are so high, they only blue and white you see at the games are on the ties of the upper class twats who only came to the game to show their Chinese business partners what ice looks like when it's inside. Although the fans, if used properly, would be a great weapon against the other teams, they're stupidity would probably cause an international incident. Maybe we should move the team to Hamilton for a year and see what happens. I hear shock therapy works wonders. By the way, I give the new GM four years to win a championship before someone shoots him. That seems to be the new fad in our "great" city.

So there you have it. And if you're half as smart as I am (which your probably not because your reading a stranger's blog), you've noticed the classic pattern that the fewer Toronto fans you have, the more successful you are. I predict a monster year for the FC, better win quickly before the cement-heads realize you exist.

now you know

Fan of the month

Another new feature to the blog is the fan of the month, to accompany the Rasho of the week this newest honour is bestowed upon those who we deem to be the most loyal and most vocal of all our readers...Every month we will name a fan of the month and they will receive vast internet fame and an opportunity to blid with the creators of this blog, 

The first month of blidlife has been a rough one, from not enabling comments, to our current lack of fanbase..but through the trials and tribulations of this little blog, one fan has been there through the ramblings and even stuck around for the occasional nonsensical post...
Without further ado, the fan of the month for the month(s) of March and April is.......(insert drumroll).....MONICA LEE!!

BIG news!

Hey everybody, we now have comments. After days of not being able to get constructive feedback from our loyal readers (Monica). I have found a way for you all to leave comments. it's very technical but I essentially just spent thirty seconds looking for the button to enable comments and then clicked on it. I am so talented.

So feel free to tell us what huge nerds we are for having a blog. However, be prepared for me to reply by reminding you that you're the one leaving comments on said blog and are, in fact, quite the nerd yourself.

anyway, to business:

jays lost tonight but fought to the end. so much for the big hurt's april slump, I'm not sure why it took him so long to realize that the key to finding one's rhythm is to actually participate in spring training.

as you may have seen (if you haven't check it out), I have started a little tradition called: "a few words about...". it is my firm belief that knowledge is power (G.I. Joe anyone?), and what better way to learn than from an internet blog run by the two bliddest kids in the world (one of whom doesn't even smoke). need i say more? watch for future installments.

don't bite the hand that feeds ya

I'd like to say a few words about Elephant Seals

The southern Elephant Seal or Mirounga leonina, lives in the sea for most of its life but comes to land to breed and give birth to cute little baby elephant seals (see left). They mate during the fall months (August to November). the males are quite a bit bigger than the females and are very protective. a successful male can have as many as 60 females in its "harem". the males establish dominance with their roars and by fighting each other. the bigger the nose the louder the roar and the more likely it is that that male will win in a fight.

They are a close relative of the northern elephant seal (M. angustirostris), which tend to have larger noses but are smaller overall (see right).

As you can see by the picture below, elephant seals are very very sneaky.
Unfortunately many have been killed over the years by seal poachers and were almost extinct. It seems they aren't sneaky enough.

As a final note, I would like to point out that David Attenborough is the fucking man, and if you haven't yet noticed: Elephant Seals are the persiest animal in the world.

now you know

Music I Deem Bumpworthy

This week is throwback rap attack, with the new weather has come my reacquisition of the majority of my music and therefore alot of gems which were previously looked over..

2)EPMD-Da Joint
3)Outkast and Slick Rick-Street Talking
6)Crooklyn Dodgers-Crooklyn
7)Diamond D-The Hiatus

And let me share some knowledge with you guys...Pineapple Express(best movie of 08)

And this one is for Fitch...Drop and give me 50

Einhorn Out

big sweep

jays win, jays win. a great game on all fronts. halladay with a very solid outing, accardo with the save, beckett with the loss, big hurt gets a grand slam, wells is back to his old self, and johnny mac is incredible. jays get the sweep on the sox, something that should help us for a few reasons: confidence, standings, and confidence. well done boys, now lets look to exploit the jet-lagged a's as well.

my beat the streak streak (bss) is at 3 now with ichiro, guillen, and reyes up next.

disappointing loss for the raps, we need to get some perimeter defense, this is ridiculous. rasho with 22 and 14. two double doubles in as many nights? you've got to be kidding me.

our rasho award for this week goes to the man rasho himself, this is the first time rasho has won his own award and probably won't be the last.

i would also like to give a shout-out to lois for his bliddest post yet.

jesus says hi

Butternut Reduction

One of the biggest questions affecting our world was poised to me today..

"What if you have to introduce someone who knows nothing, to Star Wars, how do you show them to them? The original 3 first, or the new 3 first"-Girv

After much thought and much discussion with a panel of experts in the field(myself,Girv,Yeltsew) We decided that yes, in true to the way we were introduced to the films, we would show them the first three then the more recent ones.

Anyway, Im sitting here taking in Rasho Nesterovic and all of his wonderfulness and wondering, wow, how did someone as Slovenian and as awkward as Rasho, come to be such a presence in the NBA....... and my answer, globalization folks, that means that instead of watching re-runs of the slovenian national handball team, he was watching Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman

Einhorn Out

home opener notes, and other musings

50, 000 in attendance at Skydome for the home opener last night. jays win over the tim wakefield red sox with shaun marcum having a huge night. 7 innings, 3 hits, 3 er, 1 bb, 8 k. alex rios and my boy: aaron hill both with very persy contracts. a very good day overall, but wit a few sore points. apparentsly there were some streakers on the field without their shirts on, one was a girl but she was still wearing a bra. these people need to be drowned in a fishbowl. if your gonna streak, you streak, none of this half assed bullshit. normally i would say that these people shouldn't have had anything to hide, but after seeing this:

ok, so maybe the woman should have left her shirt on. or just get outside more and do a little exercise, then maybe you wouldn't have gotten caught so easily.

loved th powder blues and the alomar ceremony. can we just switch back permanently?

on a sour note, my beat the streak streak is over at 4, thanks to magglio and the rest of the tigers (with the exception of renteria) not being able to get a hit off this guy:

what the fuck!

i'm back at one now though

raps: last night rasho with 23 and 10, holy shit! fuck kobe, rasho for MVP! this guy is off the motherfucking charts!

too much?

anyways, today the jays go up against clay "wundrkid" buchholtz (theres defiantly something wrong when your first name is something you would find in the ground, your last name has consecutive "h"s and a "z", and your nickname is spelled wrong) if we can win this one, it'll be doc going for the sweep against josh beckett. sweet!

raps nets tonight, if we cant beat these guys, who can we beat?

good luck with life


Rasho with the three!!!3!!!

first of his career, for those who are unaware.



well, the jays lost the opener to the yanks (fuckers), but it was a hard fought battle. the offense generated some good hits and we started to use the running game. I've always been a fan of base stealing, and our team seems to have some legs out there. hill 1-4 with a double. Shannon Stewart had the first hit of the season and capped it off with an RBI. take that reed johnson (but seriously, just kidding). both doc and Chien-Ming "Tiny" Wang pitched well and joba "lord of the flies" chamberlain had a nice inning too but he still hasn't convinced me.

is it just me, or is rod black the biggest tool since carlos tosca.

that's right, Carlos Tosca.

so my beat the streak streak is alive and well as carlos delgado hits a single against the florida marlins. hill also had a hit tonight and i may get credit for having chosen him last night. so i'm either at 4 or 5. next up: magglio "jackie chan" ordonez then carl crawford.

wish me luck