I'd like to say a few words about people who flaunt bullshit

I have many heroes, but none as heroic as George Carlin. perhaps it has been through his "teachings" that I have become so bitter and senile at the ripe old age of 19. so, in his honor, I would like to say a few words about people who are not only full of shit, but they let you know it.

I'm going to start with myself (shocked, aren't you). that's right folks, i have been known to-from time to time-be full of shit. when i talk to children (something i make a living doing in the summer) i am completely full of shit (for the record kids: no, I am not the servant of the prince of New Zealand). in high school, when i told my teachers that i distinctly remembered handing th assignments in and they must have lost it, i was full of shit (and needed an extension). however, i only use my bullshit for personal gain or amusement, i guess you could call it "white bull shit". or not. either way, i do not flaunt my bullshit.

others, however, do not share my respect for the sanity of others. they like to go around telling everyone that they got 98% in calculus (but forget to mention that they have 2% of the social life of the person who got a 70%). or they guy who can't stop telling you about how he knows a guy who knows the MP for Scarborough and if you need some free pens, he can totally hook you up. i would also like to include on this list anyone who reads food labels for anything other than allergies or personal interest. but more on that later.

Al Gore
Al Gore is full of shit. did you see that movie he made? I've seen more interesting shit on you tube. it was a two hour film of a powerpoint presentation about the end of the world. jesus, i could do that in an afternoon. there's so much bullshit on the internet these days i could do a two hour movie on Carrot Top's workout regime. seriously, this guy makes Micheal Moore look like Steven Spielberg. and what about the substance of the movie? there was none. the man rambled on about theories and speculation and used his image as the "ex-next president" to bias it all into truth.
and then we had the coldest winter in decades. how very inconvenient for you Mr. Gore.

people who get good marks but have no friends and are very impressed with themselves. they are full of shit. they think that because they spend 24 hours in the law library and memorize the textbook they're special. they go around flaunting their marks (ie. bullshit) in front of everyone. anyone can spend their life in the library and get decent marks. i don't, as many of you may know, but i could. maybe this sounds dumb, maybe this sounds like an excuse for all my shortcomings, maybe this sounds like pointless rambling (ie. most of my blogs). but i firmly believe in this: it's not what you know, but who you know and what you can get away with. think about it, i don't know shit (that's useful), but i get by.

and when you were a kid did you ever try to dignify yourself through the accomplishments of your parents? "oh, yeh? well my daddy knows Kevin Bacon." fuck you. everybody knows Kevin Bacon. these kids ought to be put on an all trans fat diet.
and what about these people who are concerned about everything they eat. hey i read food labels. but I'm in food science, these things interest me. do you know what carrageenen is? and what about these people who don't drink tap water. what the fuck is your problem? drink the water like everyone else and shut the fuck up.

and what about straight bullshitters? guys who just straight up lie about shit. some examples:

i can throw 80 mph
saturated fats are illegal in the US
chew is illegal in baseball
i have a life size rasho poster
no one has ever discussed switching the nba playoffs to the top 16 teams in the league instead of 8 in the conference

well, i can't say much more that about our favourite uncle than that.

so it seems that everyone from al gore to barry lesser is flaunting their bullshit all over the place.

and it's depressing, but hey, maybe someday it'll all come back and bite them in the ass. and i think that's begun, people are starting to get their comeuppance. people are becoming immune to this bullshit, maybe someday bullshitting will even be a crime. maybe there will come a day when we can all just sit down and admit to being completely full of shit.

well that's a poetic note, and it's a start, and i can dream can't i?

so go ahead, tell someone your full of shit. it might bring relief to your stressful life around this time of year.

well now you know
girv

3 comments:

Fitch said...

um jirvan.
your second last paragraph was a rip off of a george carlin routine(copy catters are full of shit)
but most importantly: remember that you and I are connected to Kevin Bacon by 3 degrees of separation (which is better than most people)

Girv said...

that's the point mate, and do try to spell my name right next time

-girv

Monica said...

hey girvin,,
the longer the post is, the less i want to read it. esp when theres a picture of al gore on it. barf