2008 is behind us and now we must begin the horrifying task of putting 2009 instead of 2008 on all of our assignments. however we can't be bothered by what we will be doing as opposed to what we are doing tonight. i know that i will be consuming copius amounts of alcohol and i'm sure all the folks up in aurora will be doing the same. i hope that everyone across blidnation from toronto to halifax, from ottwa to wherever shyssa is from will be having on just the very best of times.
keep that party train a rollin'
just chillin in the van city and generally having on vacation life. i don't mean to be rubbing anything in but yeh. just finished 18 holes of golf on a very wet course. it's the UBC course but the sign says "everyone welcome". if i remember correctly (and i usually do) the entrance average for UBC science was 88. everyone welcome my ass.
anyhoo, caught the game yesterday on the plane and i've got to say i'm impressed. although it was a tough loss, i really liked the way we played and am very excited to see what jay can do with a few more practices and some rest at home.
catch yall in the T
now I've always liked Sam Mitchell as a person but lately his coaching has been, for lack of a better word, suckey. although i don't think the Toronto media will ever be handled the same way again, i shall have to agree with brian's call on this one. as for who will be the next coach, i think jay triano (good canadian boy) will be able to do the job as long as he has to but i feel that brian is looking for someone else. since i do in fact have a life, i'm not going to go through all the NBA coaches who are currently out of work and give them all scores out of 37. i guess we'll have to see, but i'm going to give the current edge to leo rautins. i am of course, kidding.
as for www.firesammitchell.com. i suppose that speaks for itself. i guess they'll have to change their name to www.firejaytriano.com. manz always need somebody to hate.
also, Ted Rogers died yesterday. the man did a lot of wonders for the toronto blue jays and was instrumental in bringing the mighty Miami Dolphins and the unstoppable "Wildcat" offense to the sky dome. as much as i respect uncle ted, i still can't stomach what he did to our beloved stadium. it will be interesting to see what happens to the team now but i sincely hope that we are left in good hands.
good luck in all your endeavors name brother
opon investigation of the question we realize that the question is rediculus and should not be examined any more than nick zarlinga's uni-brow (R.I.P.) (little inside i know).
here's a new segment for the blidlife universe: now you know.
did you know: the hippopotamus (or hip, hipop, hipopanonomous? (big daddy anyone)) has the smallest sperm in the animal kingdom. just try to prove me wrong. in fact, any blidlifer who does prove me wrong on a did you know segment will receive the persyest of prizes.
sorry about the brackets
i promise i'm done for the night
Lois dictating to girv:
the first of December is marred by tragedy. the epic conquest to be the premier wisher of birthday greetings to Clair Scotticus has brought both joy and utter sadness (I'm obviously Burt Reynolds) to the brave who have striven to set out to i dunno go with it, go with it girvan. just mention Burt Reynolds, bunning and Jamaica needs to be mentioned at least twice. and flatulence needs to be remembered. remember remember the first of December and patty's flatulence. Chris bosh true Hollywood stories. so me and plaxico were out at a club...
i think you get the idea.
here's some weapons my friend drew/invented
"everybody needs somebody" -Matt Devlin, 2008
cheers for the backage shyssa, whoever you may or may not be
i'm starting to actually get annoyed by marty york. i know he's a humble guy and all. he was reluctant when i asked him for an autograph all those years ago while he was the field umpire for a high school baseball game. imagine what that would be worth today!
you know who else is gettin on ma nerves. galen waston. the man needs to stop. immediately. i saw him doing a comercial last night for president's choice turky. as i was watching i couldn't help notice that it was american thanksgiving. we had ours a month ago. get a fucking life galen, no american is going to buy your shitty turky. then i got to wondering, would he eat the turky? would the second richest family in canada (not that big of a deal) sit down on christmas (religious fucks) and carve up a nice, buttery, president's choice turky. ish doont theenk soooo.
can a manz get a turk?
and don't you forget it!
raps win a big one that almost got away. bosh with 40 on tuesday, and 18 boards. damn he looked tired tonight. i guess that's what happens when you play 45 mins in a game. jose is back too and that's good news. rasho with 21 and 8 last night. what a manz.
man i'm bored.
anyways, here's something:
is that guy supposed to be me?
wasn't that impressed with the film but i guess it had its moments.
bad loss last night for the raps, bosh was absolutely shut down.
here are some shoes that a buddy of mine drew:
a little off topic i know.
hey, since the rockies are giving their players away for reletively nothing perhaps the jays should make a deal to get jeff francis. (no, i'm not being serious)
i will have a bet with you that you cannot eat only one of my lay's potato chips
patty takes off his shirt.
sorry about that.
in the spirit of raps vs celts.
here's my favourite KG moment. forget the basketball this manz in fucking intense.
lovin the new now you know. ray allen born on an air force base 10 handicap golfer and a 150+
now you know.
jose's bobblehead does not look anything like him as he has pointed out. (no video available)
my buddy told me about his friend who climbed high into a tree one drunken evening. while up there, he was chirping people pretty hard until one guy started yelling back and caused a disturbance. this disturbance brought the cops to the scene, the man tried to explain to the cops that there was a man in the tree but they were not having any of it. the guy had shut up from the moment the cops got there and they arrested they guy on the ground for disturbing the peace.
now i can breath really quite relaxed
Good afternoon fine bunning kids,
2:36: fitch is just on time.
2:38: lab begins late
2:40: lernin about urchins and sand dollars (echinoiderms). they have tube feet with suckers on the end. they also have aristotle's lantern. how the fuck did they get that? aristotle has been dead for fuckin years man. that lanturn must be really old.
2:42: mmmmmm, brittle stars. fitch is reading the paper, very interesting.
2:43: people walk by the door. we begin talking about sea cucumbers. apparently their ossicles are microscopic.
2:44: TA makes joke but she's the only one who laughs. ouch!
2:45: something that looks like one of those african trees. "oral surface directed upwards", "anus on oral side".
2:49: DO THE LOCOMOTION! (water vascular system)
2:52: first stupid question: hooray!
2:53: adult squirts are sessile.
2:55: life altering revelation: oh my gosh i'm a vertebrata! TA has thing for ocean sunfish.
2:56: some chick tries to get out of doing work but is rejected.
2:57: second stupid question. something about armpits.
2:59: test begins. back in a flash.
3:15: test over. caught cheating but nothing was done about it. muhaha.
3:19: movie begins. great effects, oscar worthy. not attenburough-sucks
3:22: great names in hawii.
3:26: here come the cucumbers. very scary music.
3:31: starfish do not give up their seacrets very easily.
3:42: persy high speed chase: snail vs starfish. snail doing well
3:43: snail loses, but another snail gets away. teamwork!
3:45: time to get a drink.
3:48: back just in time for the conclusion: the tree of life is a bush. now to do real stuff.
i'm ole greg
culpepps returns to the league with the lions. i like this move as it may get detroit its first win of the season. GOOOOO LIONS!
i'm not actually a lions fan, i just love the fact that someone is giving ole daunte a chance and i hope this blows up in the face of the rest of the nfl and the lions make the playoffs and beat the patriots in the first round.
*this is not what i actually think will happen.
in other news the greatest fight of all time:
Zaun vs. Kypreos
let the battle begin.
greg zaun puts on the goalie pads, gets some tips from cujo and faces off in ten penalty shots in which kippper needs to make all ten to win(?).
1. kipper goes left and scores
10.kipper goes glove side and:
Zaunie! zaunie! zaunie!
Zaunie makes the saaaaaaaaaave!
what an event.
an event earning Zaun the rasho of the week award. we also wish him the best in his new endeavours as he has filed for free agency. good luck zaunie, i shall think of you fondly every time i have pancakes for breakfast.
well, it's election night tomorrow in the south of north america not including mexico.
in other newz: raps at 3-0 going into wednesday's game against detroit. the pistons just pulled off a blockbuster sending chauncy to denver for AI. i'm not worried. not even remotely. have you ever drank baileys from a shoe?
r-r-r-rim, r-rim crim
VORP, the latest stat to come out of baseball. is the measure of a hitter or pitcher's performance in relation to an imaginary replacement.
also: hey lois, start blogging more or i shall play more physical basketball and you shall wish you never crossed the girv.
bring it on shmuckface
our good friend SGS has graciously provided us with an alternate spelling of an alternate pronunciation of bro. instead of broo (which is absolutely ridiculous) it shall now be spelled "broux". isn't that refreshing? i think so.
here's a wee tidbit of info which may require more typing than usual.
the varsity blues (football team of UofT) was on a dandy 49 game losing streak at the start of the season until they beat waterloo on labour day. they were down 17-15 with 26.2 seconds remaining in the fourth. the kicker lined up for a 32 yard Field goal. he had missed two FGs already in his first game, in his first year of university. he made the kick and propelled the blues to a 18-17 win. that kicker just so happens to be a good friend's little brother. Andrew lomasney grew up playing football at moore park with his brother and his brothers friends. he used to kick off to a young girv who would use his unbelievable speed to subsequently run them in for touchdowns about 90% of the time. so really, UofT should be praising me. had it not been for all those touchdowns i scored off him in the nineties, he never would have been able to get over the first two misses to win the game. he also wouldn't have been able to get over the waterloo player's harsh chirping. apparently they used their superior intellect and lack of female distractions to come up with such gems as: "number 15 you suck" and "your going to miss it". Ouch, I hope lomasney's seeking therapy.
he finished the season at 5 for 10 and the blues finished at 2 and 6.
I guess that's good, it's not like I have a football team to cheer for or anything.
of course andrew is our blidlife athlete of the time before scotty because he did this a month or so ago. better late than never.
this week's ATW is that ref that took out the QB in that college football game the other night.
this week's rasho is going to have to be campbell for his acquisition of "sex and a story" the other night.
welcome mr. parkes
luckily our feud is over and we can continue in this great journey that is blidlife. and i'm a big fan of the ATW. as for the rasho of the week i must again apologize. i know i don't keep up with this shit but come on, it's not like this is my fucking job (regardless of what my answering machine says). please be advised that the rasho of the week is more a rasho of the weekish. and this weekish winner is lois. thanks for all the good times and i'm sorry about all the trashing.
as for some rumers going around that blidlife is going public let me address that now.
we do have a plan in place to advertise blidlife to the world and that should be put into action in the coming month.
ps: this ones for you wes:
In a last ditch effort to dead this blidlife beef before there is a bodycount, I am instituting a new feature...Blidlife Athlete Of the Week
some things i left out earlier:
does not respect losers
has a very good hook shot
finishes what he starts fairly regularly
often neglects his calculator
is, in fact, an alien (this has not yet been proven)
thinks explosions are cool
has been known to leave kitchens when he can't take the heat
as for this feud, i have gone with the honest approach by putting our profiles on the blog for all to see. i hope you will add to yours so we can all see what clever things you come up with next.
looking forward to seeing you
Oh how glorious the United States are, our slightly more rotund, ignorant neighbours to the south are very welcoming when I state I am from Canada. i am currently in Chicago, known as teh windy city, not because of the weather, but due to the number of big-mouthed politicians..anyways, im persing here returning to the east coast tmrw, I checked on to see a glimpse of Mac drizzle and perhaps some persy rhetoric, but I was shocked to find that behind my back, el girvo was desecrating the name lois einhorn..so in rebuttal I would like to point out some things which I despise about one Girv
persed down at the farmers market with weaslee (yes weaslee), and found the persiest of apple ciders, but that's not what frustrates me. i found some seemingly persy husked corn and bought it (5 for $3), then as i made my way to another section of the maze that is the Keith's brewery i found some unhusked corn which would have been far persier. i love husking corn on a Saturday midday. I'm still satisfied with my purchase as it is still fairly perse. i shall cook it this midday and it will delish.
not sure if you noticed but i just used five different forms of the word persey in that last paragraph.
don't believe me?
check for yourself
as for lois, he's in chi-town for the weekend and is most likely without access to the world wide web. so, i will take this opportunity to trash him behind his back.
here's a list of things i don't care for about lois:
-he probably doesn't like brussel sprouts (why does no one like brussel sprouts?)
-he is not a world class tap dancer
-he can't keep a secret that he doesn't know is supposed to be a secret
-when he falls over, he sometimes hurts himself
-he dots his "i"s with more of an oval than a circle or dot
-if he was writing a menu for a restaurant, he probably wouldn't include any exclamation points
-he smells really bad after getting lots of physical exercise
-he claims to be good at croquet but i haven't seen any evidence to support that
-doesn't know Lloyd Roberson personally
well that's just a few, but you get the point.
no, i don't like brussel sprouts either
you may have noticed some minor changes to the blidlife logo. in the top right hand corner is the number 12. this is the number of rasho nesterovic, the official(?) sponsor of blidlife. some of you may be wondering: why do you guys worship him. well here are the reasons why everyone doesn't worship him:
doesn't put up lots of points
not very good looking
flys under the radar
looks and acts very awkwardly
plays in indiana
he runs like a rasho
and here's why we love him:
he runs like a rasho
that says it all. the man is a leader, he's a wily vet, he plays a good d, he has his own style, and he doesn't give a shit about shit. these are qualities that we here at blidlife admire. and that is why we worship rasho.
in the upper left hand corner you may see the face and hair (or hair and face) of someone who you cannot recognize. this is Mac Dre. another blidlife hero. while rasho exhibits many of the qualities in which we try to live our lives, Mac Dre exibits the rest of them. girv and lois, rasho and dre. since rasho is more my side of blidlife and dre is lois' I'll let him explain dre's significance in a blog post to come.
the other addition to the logo is the phrase "Not a word, a feeling". when this statement came to me it was as if i finally understood the blue man group, as if i had just watched a tim and eric movie without once being confused. it all made sense. who knew such a short statement could be so profound. because blidlife isn't a word (seriously look it up, you won't find it anywhere), it's a way of life. but just saying it's a way of life wasn't enough, because it's more than that. it's a feeling (or felin').
it's the feeling you get when your higher than buzz aldrin (not that i would know anything about that).
when your so drunk, donairs actually taste good
when your doing a 180 at the top of a 30 foot standing wave
when you reach the top of an overhang
when you pass biochem (not that i would know anything about that)
when you stand at the shore of the ocean in a hurricane
when you run from a hotel chased by security guards
when you bite into a willy's "whizz philly"
when you play barret's privateers on electric mandolin
when you hit that straight-away bank shot
when you have money in your bank account
when you ghost ride on a downhill slope
when the band starts playing patty murphy
when shrimp and white wine are consumed simultaneously
when rasho hits a three
when you realize that your life would make an awesome movie that would definitely not win an oscar
when you smash
you see it's all of these things and more: It's not just a word, it's a feeling.
keep felin' it
good afternoon from the girv.
as lois mentioned, no recollection of last night woke up with half eaten willy's fries on my desk and an evil goblin playing steel drums in my frontal lobe (what?). well it's the next day and life is living itself to the fullest. I assume it's a beautiful day (I haven't been outside yet) and the prospect of a denim party tonight lifts my soul. although i was not aware of this until recently and didn't have enough time to go to value village i must resort to another, less denimy outfit. tonight i will be premireing my latest v.v. purchase. more on this as it develops.
if you find yourself in need of happiness, just close your eyes and think of one of the following things:
latvian hocky players
scotland's rolling hills
ghettosocks on vinyl
stress balls shped like turtles
zipperheads on a thursday
arrive at boardwalk and attempt to land sail
After that AM:
go to rocks and live like there's no tomorrow (there almost wasn't)
anyways, the cane was huge and the water was rockin'. just persing down at the shore gettin splashed half to shit. so good. got all kinds of salt water in my hair and woke up with salt on my face. then had a shower. if you ever get the chance to go champion a hurricane, it's weel worth it.
also got the blidlife mascot, its a bumper and it needs a name.
keep the big wheel turnin'
so not much going on, just bough an electric mandolin and it's fuckin persy. and you know what's badass: blade 2.
well the jays didn't make the playoffs but i remain hopeful for the future. we need a new GM who can make big deals and give this club a few new big guns. it seems we're always one step away from the postseason. oh well, the postseason should be a good one.
you know what, blade 2 isn't that good.
anyways, now to the rasho of the week: Steve Guttenberg, for giving us the police academy franchise.
Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
Police Academy 3: Back In Training
Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol
Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach
Police Academy 6: City Under Siege
Police Academy 7: Mission To Moscow
that's one more movie than the leprechaun series!
that's all I got.
-urinating on public communication devices
-new immediate surroundings
-more frequent blog posts
-more "say a few words about"
-new stuff (ie. logo)
-a new writer!
all these things are great and it should be fun but as much as we should be looking foreward lets look back on those we lost and the things we'll miss.
-rasho (in indiana)
-chuck (in chicago)
-TJ (also in indiana)
-carlin (in hell)
no that's rediculus, hell doesn't exist. what the fuck just got into me?
ok this is getting out of hand. lets have a look at the raps:
this year we will retain the core of our group with a few additions. although we lost ford and won't have the same 1-2 punch at the point i think the deal was for the best. if we realistically want a more balanced team we can't have 2 star point guards. now, contrary to popular belief, i'm not an idiot. i agree that getting rid of rasho was for the better, and i say this out of absolute devotion to the rasho way of life. jermaine o'neil is a better choice and even if he doesn't produce as much as some say he will, his preasence should elevate the game of one chris bosh and make the team better. as for the aquisition of matt devlin, he won't be chuck swirsky, and we need to stop listening for swirsky. he's gone, shit happens, get over it and try to find something to like in devlin.
on that note i've got to give the rasho of the summer to cito gaston.
no explanation necessary.
now, i do have some very exciting news:
i'm sure you've heard of pirates. if you haven't that's ok just skip this section this probably won't seem very interesting.
pirates is Back like blidlife!
well that's it for the triumphant return.
anybody catch that propane fire? must've been a beauty.
thus far no medals for canada in the olympics, oh well.
i'm very tired and not sure what else to say other than check out these famous glasses.
catch yall on the flip side
anyway, I just persed Arby's and it was finger licking good...beef and ched persies with curly fries..My new favourite fast food delectable..anyway, keep bunning hard
we have a new friend: matt devlin.
the new voice of the raps. now i know that we all love chuck and we miss him, however, this is no reason to judge matt poorly. he's not chuck but that doesn't mean he isn't good. i think we should all give matt the benefit of the doubt.
well i got stuff to do.
wait, no i don't
ps: check out sassy goat, the shipping is just 1 cent if you order $25.00 or more
In an effort to get a discount from an internet fashion retailer, I filled out a form to become a member of the street team here is an excerpt from the application
Interests: Blidding, the art of gwopping, Movies about gwopzilla, and persing in various forms
Music: Bach, Sesame Street, Chopped and Screwed Christmas Albums, Tom Jones, Disney Soundtracks
Movies: Alvin and the Chipmunks, Shawshank Redemption, Lethal Weapon 3, Gwopzilla 14: Gwopping in Colonial Times
My application was accepted, so apparently I am what they call a "fashion trendsetter" and worthy of promoting their website...NEedless to say, shipping was too much, so bonna that tingaling
Dear Girv, Ive just wanted to let you know that basically you are my hero...Over here in Slovenia, your selfless and comprehensive site on Rasho is the number 2 most popular site in our fair republic, after Lois' profile on lavalife..We just wanted to commend you, and if you ever make it to our frigid wonderland, we will have a parade and make sacrifices in your honour.
Regards, Radoslav Nesterovic the fifth
Well hey man, unfortunately Girv is out of reach right now but ill forsure let him know...We always appreciate the goodwill especially from Slovenians like yourself, On behalf of blidlife we will be sending you some of the persiest nug for your cotting purposes...
Hey guys, keep bunning, I love you
Umm...hey fitch, thanks i guesss.youre a pretty swell guy..anyway, enjoy your persing
Im just a kid who wants to do hoodrat things with my friends, i picked up my buddy who smokes with cigarettes and went joyriding, I am currently incarcerated in a high security prison, and its not really persy..I just want to let you guys know that you keep me going everyday
Thanks Latarian, id just like to start off by saying im a big fan of your work, and because of you and your buddy, i smoke with cigarettes and do hoodrat things with my friends...Its always humbling when one of your idols reads your blog and even goes as far as writing to it..anyways, when you get out, look me up,well do hoodrat things with my friends
Dear Blidlife, I am still writing to voice my opposition to the blasphemy and blatant lies you are publishing on your site, my young patterson is still a ginger kid who is easily indoctrinated..Im still trying to find out your location so i can send the appropriate authorities, but i urge you to stop before it gets to that...Patty is still telling me to "chill" my proverbial peen
Anyways, my new slogan on life is WWJD-What would Jeezy do
And in this case ill borrow a lyric from one of my favourite tracks
"Hit the trap till my pockets swoll...Hit the mall, then hit the trap some mo"
these recent months have certainly been a time of loss and change. reed, frank, gibby, ernie, gary, chuck, and now rasho. though rasho is gone we will still retain our status as his official fan site. goodbye my friend, you will be missed.
as for the jays staff, i can't say i agree with the release of gary and ernie, however i do beleive it was gibby's time. welcome back cito. you won't get any negative thoughts from me.
give Fredricks my best
jus keepin' yall posted
NT will be holding its 100the reunion on May 9-112, 2012. Alumni interested in helping to organize this event are invited to an organizational meeting on Monday June 16th in L8 at NTCI at 7 pm. Information on committees is attached.
and heres my response:
Well, I think we should we should have green balloons. I heard somewhere that green was a good colour for 100the(?) reunion. This guy I knew, he tuned 100 and they had green balloons and he hooked up with like twenty more chicks before he kicked the bucket.
Also, I think we should go to may 113 instead of may 112, 103 days really isn't enough time to celebrate the legacy that is North Toronto.
p.s. Give my regards to Fredricks, I hear he's dong well in his new position.
hope you guys are doin good
Yo yo yo....So, this past week, while I was in the process of recuperating from my trip, I was surfing the interweb latenite, and stumbled upon something which has since brought yours truly considerable amounts of joy. I discovered, that one of my favourite musicians(Dilla) had recorded another album shortly before his untimely death, and that it was being held from release by MCA records...Usually as a fan I would have waited and bought the album, but some further investigating revealed that even if I were to wait for it and purchase it..none of the funds would go to Ma Dukes or any of the surviving Yancey Clan...So i urge you all to download the album...
but on a more serious note, our friend, chuck swirsky has left the raptors to do play by play on the bulls. he has done this for personal reasons and i guess we have to respect his decision. it is a very sad day for raptor fans but our hearts and minds go out to chuck and his family as we wish him all the best.
on another basketball note, rasho will be back next year. if we had lost both of them i don't know what i'd do.
anyways got to go take care of some ankle biters.
some final notes:
raps are out. very sad, but there were bright points in the season. for this reason i am nominating multiple rashos of the week: the entire raps organization, thanks for the great season boys.
it's about 2 degrees up here at camp, used two sleeping bags last night as my cabin has no insulation or heating. still went for a dip though. great stuff.
This letter was sent in by Jason Jennings of West MiddleField Shire.
I'm going to start with myself (shocked, aren't you). that's right folks, i have been known to-from time to time-be full of shit. when i talk to children (something i make a living doing in the summer) i am completely full of shit (for the record kids: no, I am not the servant of the prince of New Zealand). in high school, when i told my teachers that i distinctly remembered handing th assignments in and they must have lost it, i was full of shit (and needed an extension). however, i only use my bullshit for personal gain or amusement, i guess you could call it "white bull shit". or not. either way, i do not flaunt my bullshit.
others, however, do not share my respect for the sanity of others. they like to go around telling everyone that they got 98% in calculus (but forget to mention that they have 2% of the social life of the person who got a 70%). or they guy who can't stop telling you about how he knows a guy who knows the MP for Scarborough and if you need some free pens, he can totally hook you up. i would also like to include on this list anyone who reads food labels for anything other than allergies or personal interest. but more on that later.
and then we had the coldest winter in decades. how very inconvenient for you Mr. Gore.
people who get good marks but have no friends and are very impressed with themselves. they are full of shit. they think that because they spend 24 hours in the law library and memorize the textbook they're special. they go around flaunting their marks (ie. bullshit) in front of everyone. anyone can spend their life in the library and get decent marks. i don't, as many of you may know, but i could. maybe this sounds dumb, maybe this sounds like an excuse for all my shortcomings, maybe this sounds like pointless rambling (ie. most of my blogs). but i firmly believe in this: it's not what you know, but who you know and what you can get away with. think about it, i don't know shit (that's useful), but i get by.
and when you were a kid did you ever try to dignify yourself through the accomplishments of your parents? "oh, yeh? well my daddy knows Kevin Bacon." fuck you. everybody knows Kevin Bacon. these kids ought to be put on an all trans fat diet.
and what about these people who are concerned about everything they eat. hey i read food labels. but I'm in food science, these things interest me. do you know what carrageenen is? and what about these people who don't drink tap water. what the fuck is your problem? drink the water like everyone else and shut the fuck up.
and what about straight bullshitters? guys who just straight up lie about shit. some examples:
i can throw 80 mph
saturated fats are illegal in the US
chew is illegal in baseball
i have a life size rasho poster
no one has ever discussed switching the nba playoffs to the top 16 teams in the league instead of 8 in the conference
well, i can't say much more that about our favourite uncle than that.
so it seems that everyone from al gore to barry lesser is flaunting their bullshit all over the place.
and it's depressing, but hey, maybe someday it'll all come back and bite them in the ass. and i think that's begun, people are starting to get their comeuppance. people are becoming immune to this bullshit, maybe someday bullshitting will even be a crime. maybe there will come a day when we can all just sit down and admit to being completely full of shit.
well that's a poetic note, and it's a start, and i can dream can't i?
so go ahead, tell someone your full of shit. it might bring relief to your stressful life around this time of year.
well now you know
yup, i wrote that poem. pretty good huh?
well maybe not, but holy shit. frank thomas released by the jays. as mentioned before, there are no words to describe this turn of events, there is only silence, waiting,
what the fuck am i doing with this poetry. my whole world is upside down. ahhhh i'm going fucking crazy here. i feel like i;m gonna be watching the game and the big hurts gonna come up to bat and say "happy belated april fools day guys" and then club (or belt) one out of the park. but probably not. good luck with all your endeavors frank. and i hope my message of good luck (see previous sentence) keep your spirits up in these difficult times.
but seriously, thanks for the good times, you will be missed.
more than reed johnson (sorry reed).
raps lost behind a back-breaking performance by jason kapono (back-breaking? what the fuck is wrong with me).
all round a bad day, but i'm staring to get my throw back so thats nice i guess.
rasho of the week: frank thomas.
well done my friend, see you in the hall
what the fuck, i'm not going to the hall
i gotta stop this madness
today marks the second day in a row I've worn shorts (not those ones you fucking idiot). that means that because of my obnoxiously stubborn personality I will putting shorts on every morning from now until somewhere around the end of the baseball season.
speaking of baseball, how about the rockies and padres? 22 innings? where's Chuck Swirsky, that deserves and "are you kidding me?"
ok so I go to write my physics exam (PHYC 1300). I go to the student accessibilities center because I'm "mentally retarded" and for some reason, the universities want to help me stay in school by giving me extra time on exams (is it possible this is a money issue?). Regardless of their intentions I appreciate the fact that they think I'm "special"(?). Anyways I go, and they're taking a really long time, apparently they can't track down my exam (and I'm retarded). After awhile they tell me that my exam is, in fact, on the 22nd. My prof signed off on the date so either they changed the date or I copied it down wrong and she doesn't read things before signing them. Maybe I am retarded. or maybe not.
so, how's your day going?
no, I'm talking about Frank "The Hobbit" Menechino. 2nd baseman and utility man for the Oakland Athletics and the Toronto Blue Jays.
Last night's soirée at the Sky Dome reminded me of the fateful night in 2004 when we actually ran out of pitchers, i mean we fucking ran out. and, well here's what happened:
Jays vs. Yankees
at Sky Dome
Ted Lilly vs. Kevin Brown
John Gibbons vs. Joe Torre
Frank Menechino vs. The World
the jays got off to a good start with Ted Lilly on the mound, they opened up the first three innings by going up 4-0 on Kevin Brown.
the Yankees then came within one with 3 runs in the 4th off a Posda double and a Matsui single. and took the lead with 4 more in the 6th. thus chasing lilly out of the game and giving way to Charles "Vinny" Chulk. after Chulk and Jason Frasor each give up solo jacks the Yankees are up 9-4.
the jays come back though in the bottom of the 8th with a couple of RBI singles from Reed Johnson and Chris Woodward off Paul Quantrill. which gives way to the arrival of Mariano Rivera to try and get a save in the 9-6 game.
then, in the top of the ninth. Dave Maurer comes in and promptly gives up a double, a single, and two walks. giving up one run and leaving with the bases loaded.
and here comes Kerry "lights out" Lightenberg who gives up a grand slam on the second pitch to Ruben sierra. and another home run to Tony Clark on the very next pitch(now 15-6). he then settles down and gets Miguel Cairo to strike out swinging for the first out of the inning. but then gives up two more singles and a 2-run double to Gary Sheffield. luckily, Sheffield got greedy and was caught trying to get to third (yay, 2 outs). then a-rod belted one (or did he club it?) to make it a riveting 18-6 game.
here's where it gets interesting, john gibbons, in only his 19th game as manager, goes to the dugout and Frankie Menechino trots out to the bullpen and then comes to the mound. 2 out, bases empty, the hobbit against Posada. Posada, being the wily veteran he is, swings on the first pitch and gets a single. up comes godzilla against the hobbit (not fair), and he gets on base off the fourth pitch.
and then on the fourth pitch to Ruben Sierra he induces a ground ball to short and this ball game is almost over.
Mariano Rivera then retires the side and gets the save. yes, the save.
it is also noteworthy that frank also pitched an inning for Oakland in 2004, giving up 4 runs on 8 hits thus giving him a career era of 27 in 1.3 innings.
he also had the second most hit by pitches in 2001 with 19. David "spark plug" Eckstein had 21.
it's amazing what you can find on the internet
1) master the art of persing
2) breed their own army of crickets
3) overthrow their opressive ruler, Benson: Lord Of The Rats
as you can see this is a flawless plan, almost as flawless as using your entire bullpen and turning to AJ Burnett in the 14th.
If only Uncle Owen was still around.
Check out the pictures of Barry in various social situations.
By the way, Lorena Bobbit: The chick who cut her husbands dick off with the kitchen knife. Ouch.
you may notice we have a poll going. if not look to the right. -->
feel free to vote, but keep in mind the fact that rasho led the team in points last night with 20 and 7 boards. when was the last time lebron led his team in points? well, whatever.
speaking of the "Slovienian Slayer" (thanks huggy the bear), our rasho award goes out to:
Dr. Barry Lesser, that's right folks! (need I say more?)
watched my first full episode of cheers last night. Woody Harrelson provides an Oscar worthy performance and Ted Danson is the fucking man. Maybe I should get a psychiatrist.jays with a tough loss last night. McGowan just can't get any run support.
raps get the six seed, we're goin' to Disney World!
don't block the fire exit
raps lost today behind yet another flawless Rasho performance. oh, and bosh had a good night too. speaking of the franchise, check this out. Nothing but class, maybe he reads Blid Life. well Jamario moon reads the rookie rankings, and I didn't even know he could read.
well, I guess that's it
Anyways, this got me to thinking: and here's is what happened:
So, on to the nitty-gritty.
Individually, Torontonians are fine people. But when you put them together in some sort of setting, say, a city or sports venue. They become a group of the biggest assholes in the world, they're rude, they don't acknowledge when others are having difficulty with something and they always have something negative to say about the local sports franchise. The very same sports franchise they claim to "love". Let’s go through it team by team shall we?
Probably the best fans in the city, raps fans provided a great playoff atmosphere last year (particularly for Vince carter), and they've been filling the ACC every night for a few months now. Fantastic. T.J. ford injures his neck for the third(?) time in his career and is out for a few very scary months, he returns to a standing ovation, but a short time later he is getting booed for having trouble shooting when he comes off the bench. Lately, the raps haven't been playing very well (actually they've been sucking), and I've noticed that the fans begin to boo very early on if the raps are down. I’m not a professional athlete, but I can't imagine getting booed at home is a very rewarding, helpful experience (unless you’re A-Rod). The Sixers aren't beating us, were beating ourselves. Our 3-point percentage isn't going to get better if every time kapono gets the ball a guy in a kapono jersey tells him he sucks. in fact the only player playing well right now in Rasho, but he's such a wily veteran his game isn't affected by anything. he could be playing for the knicks right now and he'd still be putting up double doubles every night. Basketball is a game of momentum and intensity, so far we have neither.
I think Jays fans are probably just as good as raps fans, perhaps even better. The problem is: there aren't any. And those who try to help with clever chirps at opposing players are drowned out by the guy who probably knows more about cricket yelling something along the lines of: "hey Jeter, you suck!". Very clever indeed. I bet there's more openly gay CEO's in this city than knowledgeable baseball fans. And I have nothing against non-baseball people coming to baseball games. Hey, that’s why the Jays aren't in
And now: Leaf fans.
Easily the most abundant
So there you have it. And if you're half as smart as I am (which your probably not because your reading a stranger's blog), you've noticed the classic pattern that the fewer
So feel free to tell us what huge nerds we are for having a blog. However, be prepared for me to reply by reminding you that you're the one leaving comments on said blog and are, in fact, quite the nerd yourself.
anyway, to business:
jays lost tonight but fought to the end. so much for the big hurt's april slump, I'm not sure why it took him so long to realize that the key to finding one's rhythm is to actually participate in spring training.
as you may have seen (if you haven't check it out), I have started a little tradition called: "a few words about...". it is my firm belief that knowledge is power (G.I. Joe anyone?), and what better way to learn than from an internet blog run by the two bliddest kids in the world (one of whom doesn't even smoke). need i say more? watch for future installments.
don't bite the hand that feeds ya