first off, i'm not sure what's going on here but although i agree whole-heartedly with what the post had to say i was not responsible for the post about jose. now this is starting to get weird. oh well.
although i can't remember when this happened exactly i can tell you that i was seven years old. my bed was fairly low to the ground and beside the head of my bed was a radiator which i used as a bed-side table. this wasn't very economical though because the top of the radiator was about a foot and a half above my bed.
one night i was playing with some silly putty when my mom told me to go to sleep. being the good, obedient child that i was i put the putty on the radiator and dozed off. i tend to move around a lot when i sleep and sometimes roll over. once i even woke up with my head at the foot of my bed having turned all the way around in my sleep.
i guess the silly putty fell off the rad and landed on my pillow only to have me roll over onto it because when i woke up i had a huge clump of putty stuck in my hair. for reasons i can't remember i didn't want my parents to know so i put on a tuque and pretended that i had hit my head and it was a harmless bump. this was an obvious lie because the lump stuck out about an inch.
luckily my mom cut the putty out of my hair. however, this left me with a bald spot on the side of my head. this can be quite traumatizing for a kid at such a young age. a few days later i went to the barber and had my hair cut to the same length as the spot which turned out to be a #4 buzz. from that day right up until this summer that was the only haircut i would get. i probably sub-consciously didn't want my hair to get any longer for fear of what might happen to it. but that fear is nothing compared to the other fear which was instilled in me by this traumatic experience.
even today i feel very nervous around silly putty and haven't touched any since that day.
now you know my darkest fear
girv
Go Dumb Fridays
Every Friday I will post a next yay area musician to broaden your horizons to the wonderful word of the purp.
Today, well focus on the Pack
Next mens coming correct on a gang of tracks
and my personal favourite, Dum Ditty Dum
Thizz In Peace Mac Dreezy
your cutty,
Young Lois
Day 5: Dolla Dolla Bills Yall
april, 2000.
my pal alex and i would walk down to the local beckers every day to get a froster and possibly some other candies (ie. jaw breakers, monster truck wheels, fizz, warhammers, and vanilla coke). one day i found a twenty dollar bill on the floor and alex and i began discussing the merits of keeping or turning in the money. alex convinced me to turn in the money and come back the next day to see if anyone came to get it. if not, i would take it back. so we gave the bill to the woman at the counter who we trusted and saw every day. the next day we came back and she seemed to have forgotten the whole incident and the suddenly remembered and said in what i can only describe as a lying tone that someone had claimed it. as i walked out of there with my froster and my not twenty dollars i realized that i had been taken for the proverbial "ride".
if there's one thing i've leaned from the movie cocktail is that there are two kinds of people in this world. the workers and the hustlers. the hustlers never work and the workers never hustle. this particular experience has made me into a hustler, and if this hadn't have happened there's no telling how much shit i would have put up with for all these years. usually you can't put a price on character building experiences, but twenty bucks is pretty good. even for a cheap bastard like myself.
never drink a red eye
girv
my pal alex and i would walk down to the local beckers every day to get a froster and possibly some other candies (ie. jaw breakers, monster truck wheels, fizz, warhammers, and vanilla coke). one day i found a twenty dollar bill on the floor and alex and i began discussing the merits of keeping or turning in the money. alex convinced me to turn in the money and come back the next day to see if anyone came to get it. if not, i would take it back. so we gave the bill to the woman at the counter who we trusted and saw every day. the next day we came back and she seemed to have forgotten the whole incident and the suddenly remembered and said in what i can only describe as a lying tone that someone had claimed it. as i walked out of there with my froster and my not twenty dollars i realized that i had been taken for the proverbial "ride".
if there's one thing i've leaned from the movie cocktail is that there are two kinds of people in this world. the workers and the hustlers. the hustlers never work and the workers never hustle. this particular experience has made me into a hustler, and if this hadn't have happened there's no telling how much shit i would have put up with for all these years. usually you can't put a price on character building experiences, but twenty bucks is pretty good. even for a cheap bastard like myself.never drink a red eye
girv
Day 4: Survival
in july of 2004 i went on a month-long canoe trip with seven other guys. it was a hell of a time and we saw some crazy shit. in fact, on day seven one of the guys, jerry, actually went crazy. but that's not the point. our trip was cut short a few days by an unfortunate incident.
on day 14 we came to a fairly easy set of rapids which ended in a ten foot drop which we had no desire to go over. this drop was followed by a frothy set with lots of standing waves. myself and pope (my sternsman) went first and portaged around the drop i then went back to tell everyone else to go and make sure they were ok. the first boat came down easily but then i saw an overturned boat come around the corner. i remember remarking to the guys in the other boat how funny it was that those idiots dumped on such a joke of a set. i remeber then realizing that the boat and all the shit that was in it was about to go over the drop. i ran like a motherfucker down that trail and pope and i paddled out to try and catch all the shit. but we were too late and the stuff was lost. luckily there was a campsite at the end of the portage and we were able to asses what we had lost. here's a list of what we were missing:
pack 1:
2 people's dry sacks (all their shit)
2 days worth of meals
pack 2:
full of food
pack 3:
all three tents
both tarps
both cooking grills
and the boat of course.
that night two guys went down the river to find the shit and the rest of us built a shelter with a small tarp that we had and canoes. this was the worst sleep of my life. the bugs were rampant (northern quebec in july=balls), it was very hot and we were sleeping on rock that was covered in ash because it had just been the site of a most vicious forest fire. the next day the two guys came back and said they had found the boat. we went to that site and also found packs one and two. when we were searching for pack 3 we realized that none of the items in the pack would float and it became evident that the pack had sunk to the bottom of the river somewhere. the 15th night i slept by myself under a canoe and had a great sleep. the next night we camped beside a huge waterfall (shown below) and i built a shelter (shown below that). i slept under a canoe twice more and on the last day it started to rain. there were no campsites to be found anywhere and it was about 5 degrees C and very wet. we were all cold as fuck and had no tents or campsites to build shelters. luckily, blake, a man i am forever indebted to, saw a small cabin in the woods where we could stay. it was a plywood box about eight feet square. it had a cot, a counter, and a dismanteled wood stove. we tried to get the stove working but let me just say that duct tape does not go well with heat and smells fucking aweful when it burns. the next day we arrived at james bay and the town of waskaganish (the chlamydia capital of north america).
the lesson here is never put all your tents in one pack. which is not to be confused with "never put all your eggs in one basket". seriously though, it's a totally different concept.
and remember not to ever burn duct tape,
ever.
girv
on day 14 we came to a fairly easy set of rapids which ended in a ten foot drop which we had no desire to go over. this drop was followed by a frothy set with lots of standing waves. myself and pope (my sternsman) went first and portaged around the drop i then went back to tell everyone else to go and make sure they were ok. the first boat came down easily but then i saw an overturned boat come around the corner. i remember remarking to the guys in the other boat how funny it was that those idiots dumped on such a joke of a set. i remeber then realizing that the boat and all the shit that was in it was about to go over the drop. i ran like a motherfucker down that trail and pope and i paddled out to try and catch all the shit. but we were too late and the stuff was lost. luckily there was a campsite at the end of the portage and we were able to asses what we had lost. here's a list of what we were missing:
pack 1:
2 people's dry sacks (all their shit)
2 days worth of meals
pack 2:
full of food
pack 3:
all three tents
both tarps
both cooking grills
and the boat of course.
that night two guys went down the river to find the shit and the rest of us built a shelter with a small tarp that we had and canoes. this was the worst sleep of my life. the bugs were rampant (northern quebec in july=balls), it was very hot and we were sleeping on rock that was covered in ash because it had just been the site of a most vicious forest fire. the next day the two guys came back and said they had found the boat. we went to that site and also found packs one and two. when we were searching for pack 3 we realized that none of the items in the pack would float and it became evident that the pack had sunk to the bottom of the river somewhere. the 15th night i slept by myself under a canoe and had a great sleep. the next night we camped beside a huge waterfall (shown below) and i built a shelter (shown below that). i slept under a canoe twice more and on the last day it started to rain. there were no campsites to be found anywhere and it was about 5 degrees C and very wet. we were all cold as fuck and had no tents or campsites to build shelters. luckily, blake, a man i am forever indebted to, saw a small cabin in the woods where we could stay. it was a plywood box about eight feet square. it had a cot, a counter, and a dismanteled wood stove. we tried to get the stove working but let me just say that duct tape does not go well with heat and smells fucking aweful when it burns. the next day we arrived at james bay and the town of waskaganish (the chlamydia capital of north america).
the lesson here is never put all your tents in one pack. which is not to be confused with "never put all your eggs in one basket". seriously though, it's a totally different concept.
and remember not to ever burn duct tape,
ever.
girv
Day 3: Incompetence
first off, i would like to point out that although the last post entitled: "patty" was not written by me even though blogger seems to have credited me with the piece. as you can see, this was lois in the most drunken of stupors being generally blid. in no way was i involved in the publishing of that post, regardless of how jealous i may be of it.
now, on to business.
in grade ten i took a computer science class. we learned how to use turing, which is, i suppose, some sort of language like java or something. as you can see i rarley paid attention, in fact, the only thing i did for the entire year was write a program which turened out to be composed of over 600 lines of code which i called "sinister fish". when you ran the program you saw a small, yellow fish begin moving accross the screen. soon afterwards, a larger red fish whose facial expression could only be described as sinister began chasing the small fish. when they got about 3/4 of the way across the screen the sinister fish would catch up to the small fish and it's mouth would open and close as it ate the smaller fish. the sinister fish would then continue to move off the screen and the program would be over. i spent an entire school year and 600 lines of code for that, and i couldn't be more proud. in fact, i'm pretty sure i got more out of that class than anyone else. but onto the real story:
2003, december, it's a friday. now anyone who attended north toronto CI will tell you that for their entire high school career exams were scheduled at 9:00am and 1:00pm. i had an exam for comp-sci, i knew it was not in the morning which meant that the exam was at 1:00. i arrived at 12:30 with a half hour to do some last minute studying. as i'm walking through the halls two chaps walk out of the washroom discussing the exam that they had just written. i inquired as to which exam they had just written and they told me they wrote the computer science exam. well, for the record, my first reaction was to say "holy shit" at an above-reasonable level. but my bewilderment quickly turned to hilarity as i was informed that on this particular friday the exams had been scheduled for 9, 11:30, and 2. i was one hour late and quite unable to write the exam. for those of you who care, don't worry, on the report card (remember those?) where the exam was worth 30% i still pulled in a whopping 52.
as a blidlife exclusive i will confess that while the rest of the class was taking up the exam when we got back in january, i realized that i had no idea what the fuck was going on and porbably would have failed the exam anyway.
but i haven't missed one since
girv
now, on to business.
in grade ten i took a computer science class. we learned how to use turing, which is, i suppose, some sort of language like java or something. as you can see i rarley paid attention, in fact, the only thing i did for the entire year was write a program which turened out to be composed of over 600 lines of code which i called "sinister fish". when you ran the program you saw a small, yellow fish begin moving accross the screen. soon afterwards, a larger red fish whose facial expression could only be described as sinister began chasing the small fish. when they got about 3/4 of the way across the screen the sinister fish would catch up to the small fish and it's mouth would open and close as it ate the smaller fish. the sinister fish would then continue to move off the screen and the program would be over. i spent an entire school year and 600 lines of code for that, and i couldn't be more proud. in fact, i'm pretty sure i got more out of that class than anyone else. but onto the real story:
2003, december, it's a friday. now anyone who attended north toronto CI will tell you that for their entire high school career exams were scheduled at 9:00am and 1:00pm. i had an exam for comp-sci, i knew it was not in the morning which meant that the exam was at 1:00. i arrived at 12:30 with a half hour to do some last minute studying. as i'm walking through the halls two chaps walk out of the washroom discussing the exam that they had just written. i inquired as to which exam they had just written and they told me they wrote the computer science exam. well, for the record, my first reaction was to say "holy shit" at an above-reasonable level. but my bewilderment quickly turned to hilarity as i was informed that on this particular friday the exams had been scheduled for 9, 11:30, and 2. i was one hour late and quite unable to write the exam. for those of you who care, don't worry, on the report card (remember those?) where the exam was worth 30% i still pulled in a whopping 52.
as a blidlife exclusive i will confess that while the rest of the class was taking up the exam when we got back in january, i realized that i had no idea what the fuck was going on and porbably would have failed the exam anyway.
but i haven't missed one since
girv
Patty
Hey peterson...Way to fucking be a dick..Steve nash is a manz, you are a legit batiridah tang.
mens on that little big planet perse...wack fruity tangs
listen to that asher roth, mens on that morning dew bidnesss.susssssssss
your boy
lois "Doctor Green Thumbs" Einhorn
ps...bun that kush
"Grew Kush Before The Fashion, Doctor Green Thumbs betweenthe gloves and the hashplant"
NExxxxxt
what a historic day
this day will be marked forever in history, as a day of second chances, a day of rebirth, a day of hope. today, Claude Lemieux makes his return to the NHL. 
take him off the washed up list forever boys
girv
take him off the washed up list forever boys
girv
Day 2: Road Warrior
alright so before you guys start reeming me out for my last post, i wasn't trying to be insensitive or jump the gun. ok, so nathan jawai didn't actually play last night but i still think it was a huge step for him.
onto day 2:
when i was a young lad my friends and i used to play road hockey almost every day. and every day the ice cream man would come by at around 4:00. when he first started coming around we would call him the "ice cream nazi" not because he was mean but because he looked like the soup nazi from seinfeld. we thought it was rather ironic though that he turned out to be really very nice. after awhile we learned that his name was norm and started calling him uncle norm.
one fine day two freinds and i were at someone's house where they had
some realistic looking toy guns. we proceded to hold up norm with the gun. now, when i say we, i mean my buddy and not me. the other two of us hid behind a bush. at the sight of the gun he held up his arms and said "i surrender". he then gave my friend a huge wad of fives. he got the money back and called me a chicken for hiding behind the bush.
since then i have never hid behind a bush from a robbery.
and neither should you
girv
onto day 2:
when i was a young lad my friends and i used to play road hockey almost every day. and every day the ice cream man would come by at around 4:00. when he first started coming around we would call him the "ice cream nazi" not because he was mean but because he looked like the soup nazi from seinfeld. we thought it was rather ironic though that he turned out to be really very nice. after awhile we learned that his name was norm and started calling him uncle norm.
one fine day two freinds and i were at someone's house where they had
some realistic looking toy guns. we proceded to hold up norm with the gun. now, when i say we, i mean my buddy and not me. the other two of us hid behind a bush. at the sight of the gun he held up his arms and said "i surrender". he then gave my friend a huge wad of fives. he got the money back and called me a chicken for hiding behind the bush.since then i have never hid behind a bush from a robbery.
and neither should you
girv
a great day for black people
yes, in america it's martin luther king day and barack obama is about to be sworn in as president. but i'm not taking about that. i'm talking about Nathan Jawai, who as of this afternoon has become the first australian aboriginal to play in the NBA. now the game hasn't started yet but he should get some playing time.
here's hoping
girv
here's hoping
girv
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