Day 4: Survival

in july of 2004 i went on a month-long canoe trip with seven other guys. it was a hell of a time and we saw some crazy shit. in fact, on day seven one of the guys, jerry, actually went crazy. but that's not the point. our trip was cut short a few days by an unfortunate incident.

on day 14 we came to a fairly easy set of rapids which ended in a ten foot drop which we had no desire to go over. this drop was followed by a frothy set with lots of standing waves. myself and pope (my sternsman) went first and portaged around the drop i then went back to tell everyone else to go and make sure they were ok. the first boat came down easily but then i saw an overturned boat come around the corner. i remember remarking to the guys in the other boat how funny it was that those idiots dumped on such a joke of a set. i remeber then realizing that the boat and all the shit that was in it was about to go over the drop. i ran like a motherfucker down that trail and pope and i paddled out to try and catch all the shit. but we were too late and the stuff was lost. luckily there was a campsite at the end of the portage and we were able to asses what we had lost. here's a list of what we were missing:

pack 1:
2 people's dry sacks (all their shit)
2 days worth of meals

pack 2:
full of food

pack 3:
all three tents
both tarps
both cooking grills

and the boat of course.

that night two guys went down the river to find the shit and the rest of us built a shelter with a small tarp that we had and canoes. this was the worst sleep of my life. the bugs were rampant (northern quebec in july=balls), it was very hot and we were sleeping on rock that was covered in ash because it had just been the site of a most vicious forest fire. the next day the two guys came back and said they had found the boat. we went to that site and also found packs one and two. when we were searching for pack 3 we realized that none of the items in the pack would float and it became evident that the pack had sunk to the bottom of the river somewhere. the 15th night i slept by myself under a canoe and had a great sleep. the next night we camped beside a huge waterfall (shown below) and i built a shelter (shown below that). i slept under a canoe twice more and on the last day it started to rain. there were no campsites to be found anywhere and it was about 5 degrees C and very wet. we were all cold as fuck and had no tents or campsites to build shelters. luckily, blake, a man i am forever indebted to, saw a small cabin in the woods where we could stay. it was a plywood box about eight feet square. it had a cot, a counter, and a dismanteled wood stove. we tried to get the stove working but let me just say that duct tape does not go well with heat and smells fucking aweful when it burns. the next day we arrived at james bay and the town of waskaganish (the chlamydia capital of north america).
the lesson here is never put all your tents in one pack. which is not to be confused with "never put all your eggs in one basket". seriously though, it's a totally different concept.

and remember not to ever burn duct tape,

ever.
girv

Day 3: Incompetence

first off, i would like to point out that although the last post entitled: "patty" was not written by me even though blogger seems to have credited me with the piece. as you can see, this was lois in the most drunken of stupors being generally blid. in no way was i involved in the publishing of that post, regardless of how jealous i may be of it.

now, on to business.

in grade ten i took a computer science class. we learned how to use turing, which is, i suppose, some sort of language like java or something. as you can see i rarley paid attention, in fact, the only thing i did for the entire year was write a program which turened out to be composed of over 600 lines of code which i called "sinister fish". when you ran the program you saw a small, yellow fish begin moving accross the screen. soon afterwards, a larger red fish whose facial expression could only be described as sinister began chasing the small fish. when they got about 3/4 of the way across the screen the sinister fish would catch up to the small fish and it's mouth would open and close as it ate the smaller fish. the sinister fish would then continue to move off the screen and the program would be over. i spent an entire school year and 600 lines of code for that, and i couldn't be more proud. in fact, i'm pretty sure i got more out of that class than anyone else. but onto the real story:

2003, december, it's a friday. now anyone who attended north toronto CI will tell you that for their entire high school career exams were scheduled at 9:00am and 1:00pm. i had an exam for comp-sci, i knew it was not in the morning which meant that the exam was at 1:00. i arrived at 12:30 with a half hour to do some last minute studying. as i'm walking through the halls two chaps walk out of the washroom discussing the exam that they had just written. i inquired as to which exam they had just written and they told me they wrote the computer science exam. well, for the record, my first reaction was to say "holy shit" at an above-reasonable level. but my bewilderment quickly turned to hilarity as i was informed that on this particular friday the exams had been scheduled for 9, 11:30, and 2. i was one hour late and quite unable to write the exam. for those of you who care, don't worry, on the report card (remember those?) where the exam was worth 30% i still pulled in a whopping 52.

as a blidlife exclusive i will confess that while the rest of the class was taking up the exam when we got back in january, i realized that i had no idea what the fuck was going on and porbably would have failed the exam anyway.

but i haven't missed one since
girv

Patty

Hey peterson...Way to fucking be a dick..Steve nash is a manz, you are a legit batiridah tang.
mens on that little big planet perse...wack fruity tangs

listen to that asher roth, mens on that morning dew bidnesss.susssssssss

your boy
lois "Doctor Green Thumbs" Einhorn

ps...bun that kush


"Grew Kush Before The Fashion, Doctor Green Thumbs betweenthe gloves and the hashplant"

NExxxxxt

what a historic day

this day will be marked forever in history, as a day of second chances, a day of rebirth, a day of hope. today, Claude Lemieux makes his return to the NHL.
take him off the washed up list forever boys
girv

Day 2: Road Warrior

alright so before you guys start reeming me out for my last post, i wasn't trying to be insensitive or jump the gun. ok, so nathan jawai didn't actually play last night but i still think it was a huge step for him.

onto day 2:

when i was a young lad my friends and i used to play road hockey almost every day. and every day the ice cream man would come by at around 4:00. when he first started coming around we would call him the "ice cream nazi" not because he was mean but because he looked like the soup nazi from seinfeld. we thought it was rather ironic though that he turned out to be really very nice. after awhile we learned that his name was norm and started calling him uncle norm.

one fine day two freinds and i were at someone's house where they had some realistic looking toy guns. we proceded to hold up norm with the gun. now, when i say we, i mean my buddy and not me. the other two of us hid behind a bush. at the sight of the gun he held up his arms and said "i surrender". he then gave my friend a huge wad of fives. he got the money back and called me a chicken for hiding behind the bush.

since then i have never hid behind a bush from a robbery.

and neither should you
girv

a great day for black people

yes, in america it's martin luther king day and barack obama is about to be sworn in as president. but i'm not taking about that. i'm talking about Nathan Jawai, who as of this afternoon has become the first australian aboriginal to play in the NBA. now the game hasn't started yet but he should get some playing time.

here's hoping
girv

The Twelve Days of Girv

for the next twelve days i shall be revealing stories from my childhood so that some of you may get a small glimpse into my dementia. each day i will tell a different story pertaining to a certain life lesson that i learned or to a certain quality that makes me who i am.

the first story is about my eight minutes of fame, and the discovery of
"The Girvan Ouch".

it was a cold january day in 2002, much like today, only it wasn't raining and school hadn't been canceled. since the "field" was actually concrete and had no grass we could only play football in the winter when there was a lot of snow on the ground. we were playing a friendly match when the opposing team's third down came and went without success. my friend sean was getting ready to punt the ball and i was steamboating. i think it's important to mention that i was, hands down, the best steamboater on that side of isslington. it is also important to note that sean was three times my size. he wasn't unhealthily obese, he was just huge. anyway, i was steamboating and he punted the ball right at me. in an effort to preserve my manhood i turned around and the ball hit me in the back. well, i flew about five feet in the air and landed flat on my face. after i got up i looked a sean and said "ouch". now, since the ball had technically hit me and sean recovered the ball. he got a fresh set of downs. the play was named the girvan ouch and was used on many unsuspecting victims where we would purposefully kick the ball at people so hard that they couldn't catch it and we would recover it. this only works in your own endzone in the NFL but i have seen it done on two occasions and every time i theink of how much money i could have made if only i had become a professional football coach.

more to come
girv

The Hiatus

Ohhhhh zappp...So hangover sundays are in full effect, in order to persy and escape the wrath of the countless drinks that were ingested over the course of last evening, having on some blid is necessary.

Fuck, sorry young zanglefeen(fitch for you noooobs) is ranting on redwall abbey, remember those civil and noble mice and other assorted rodents fairly perse

Runnnnnnnnnnnnin away

koombyaa

yo, if your here because your hating on various posts made on ign boards please don't hate on this blog. on behalf of blidlife, i do apologize for our CBO's somewhat unorthadox advertising methods. while your here though, please feel free to peruse our enterprise.

onto other matters. this past week has been a great and historical one. chuck comes home to toronto, rsho hosts the raps in the indy while similtaniously and at the same time the graham crackers make smores (not a sexual refrence) and JO gets a mixed welcome.

this week's rasho of the week: andrea bargniani, for finnaly following in joey graham's footsteps and finally living up to his potential.

also, since we are in the new year the rasho of 2008 will have to be: a vote. why is it always me who chooses this shit. here are this year's nominees:

chuck swirsky
cito gaston
matt fitch
young pat
and
steve guttenberg

please vote for your favourite. without people to read the blog, we're just talking to each other

more to come
girv

NOT WORTH IT!

oh weaslee, how do you do?

in other news leafs pick up the most delicious Brad May. if, for some reason you don't have the most respect for brad may check this out. yo, what up son? i love to find shiny things in the sand with a metal detector. thinsillated.

ok but seriously i'm wearing a took. wathicn bet. there's a man with a very poor dental plan speaking in slow motion. bloohaaa?

on to the tribeks, doughnuts till ya puke. micky dees

speaking of julian kent. where the fuck is matthew broderick.



yeh
girv